Goals, Not Resolutions

I have already surprised myself in 2016. I woke up New Year's Day just like I wished I would - hopeful.

Is 2016 our year to become parents? It feels less risky to say it is now that we are in the new year. Maybe it's the distance between now and 2017. We can maybe leave it at it is hopefully our year, but I'm not expecting it to be.

I'm not going to make resolutions, but I am setting some goals this year. I feel like goals are something to work towards and resolutions are things you MUST do. That's too much pressure! In no particular order, here are my 2016 goals:

1. Adopt. Obviously. This goal entails more networking, guest blogging, and getting over my fears and insecurities to get us out there and seen as much as possible. (I will be mailing networking cards soon if anyone wants some! Business card sized, with our information on them).

2. Sit on a beach! Seriously, beach time is a must this year.

3. No sugary stuff for at least a month (on day 4 so far). Note: this is excluding margarita night with my fellow waiting adoptive moms, because adoption is kinda hard you guys. Margarita night with the ladies is a must.

4. More nephew time. Henry is four now and so much fun to hang out with. On Christmas day he told me he is going to tickle our baby's feet! He now calls our yet to be born baby his "baby cousin" and talks about it with excitement. Now it really needs to happen ASAP, because he is more aware and expecting it.

5. Be more organized! I ordered a new planner http://www.passionplanner.com/  that has goal setting/achieving steps, along with the usual planner stuff.  I read tons of reviews and decided this was the way to go for me. Between work, school, and adoption stuff, I always need a physical planner. People always say to just use my phone, but I like the old school way of writing stuff down. I remember everything better that way.

Okay, so those are my five goals for 2016. I think five is enough.

We can do this. We can be tough enough for our kid.

Reinventing What Waiting Is

Hey, is anybody still out there?

Well, it's December 3rd and I haven't blogged in over a month. I've gone back and forth about whether I'm ready to get this going again. There were a lot of positives about taking some time off of adoption. I mean, you never really take time off from the adoption wait, we were still waiting, still hoping, still doing some networking here and there. I guess it was more like taking time off of the extreme emotions that come along with waiting to adopt. A month of pushing it out of my head as much as possible.

Updates? Ok. We had a couple of contacts that appear to have fizzled out. It's hard not to overthink everything you said, wondering if something came across wrong, wondering if you ruined it. I mean, I don't think that is the case, but it's always something I will wonder about. The fact is though, nothing can be done about it. I'm pulling myself up and moving on.

We have about 300 pass along cards if anyone is interested! Email me sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com . I mailed out about 200 to friends last month (thanks friends!).

Enough adoption news. ENOUGH! Let's get to the fun part.

We have spent the last month having adventures. I've done some of them without John, because the holidays generally mean he works A LOT #producemanagerlife. Yep, I just hashtagged in the blog. What is happening to me!?!?!

Waiting to adopt doesn't have to be sitting around wondering why not us? When will it be our turn? Waiting can be a time to do all the things that will be too hard to do once you have baby demanding your every minute

Without further ado, here are the tales of adventure.

I saw Free Throw (link to their site) at the Masquerade with our friend Stephen! A) Free Throw is awesome. Clangy, buzzy, emo, punk-ish. I just made those descriptors up. Opinions may vary. B) Stephen is also awesome. He is one of our #1 supporters in this adoption process. He was the best man at our wedding and is a friend extraordinaire.

Also, someone puked at this show. Front and center. The crowd parted like the red sea. No thanks.

We ate at Ponce City Market beforehand at Farm to Ladle, which was delish. Fresh, fast, unique. Important to note for Atlantans or people visiting, King of Pops does pops (that's KOP for popsicle) dipped in chocolate at Ponce City Market.

John and I saw Glen Hansard (linky) at the Buckhead Theatre. This was sort of a dream come true for me. My favorite movie is Once, which is how Glen entered my music library. He has come through Atlanta a few times, but never when we could go.

A maybe too jolly opening act, t-shirt purchase, and one gin and tonic later, we had our minds blown by Glen himself. He opened unaccompanied by any instrument, in the dark. Chills. I do love me a musician with a beard and guitar.

Let us not forget what the Buckhead Theatre used to be.. Goodbye Roxy, you will not really be missed. Sticky, old, metal folding chairs... Nope. You even made Henry Rollins screaming about republicans less fun, which is hard to do! The Buckhead Theatre is nicely redone- comfy couches, unique touches all around. Would return.

Just this past Monday (11/30) we saw David Bazan (linky dinky doo) .

We saw him in a random living room in Marietta. GA. Let's just say I only felt the pain of sitting cross legged on a wood floor a few times in the hour plus that he played. It was simply one of the best musical experiences of my life thus far.

He would play a few songs and the open it up to questions from the audience. Obviously, being in someone's living room, the audience wasn't that big, so it was very intimate. John asked two questions. There were cameras filming for a documentary, so we may end up in it!

I guess this happened before my little hiatus and I may have already written about it. I can't even remember! John and I went to our friend's wedding. We got all gussied up and ate like 4 kinds of cake. Superb.

Congratulations to Carla and Scott! May your life always be filled with cake buffets and ice cream sundae bars!

I spent some time having taco and margarita nights with friends. Luckily, just about every friend I have is up for tacos and margaritas. Some of which are waiting to adopt as well. Visit http://www.iheartadoption.org/ to see our profiles. Ours first though ok? We've been waiting the longest. Seems fair (in my head). Of course, so far we have learned that adoption is not exactly fair. To anyone. We do the best we can.

Jalapeno margarita anyone?

Yeah... sorry about the random depressing thought!

In happy news, my dad and I did our annual Turkey Chase (And yearly terrible selfie. It's a tradition now). We hadn't done a race together since last year's Turkey Chase. Usually we do 3 or 4 a year, but we both had a lot going on.

This race is one of my favorites, because it's colder in November and I kind of hate sweating and it's fairly flat and scenic. The lazy person's race.

Our extremely talented friend, Katie, made another hat for our future child. She knows my weak spots- cats and tiny baby things.

Katie is another super supportive friend as far as our adoption wait goes. You may remember her from our trip to Philly over the summer.

We made it through living together in our early twenties, so I think it's safe to say we are friends for life.

I'm sure I left some adventures and fun stuff out. I wasn't planning on writing today, but I finished my grad class for the semester and I'm all caught up at work. I figured why not get it out there.

Our tree is up (yeah, we went fake, despite my declaration of wanting a real one). Our stockings will be hung shortly. We are having a small holiday party with friends we met who are also waiting to adopt in just over a week.


OH MAN. How did I forget... my friend Jessica (also waiting to adopt) and I are driving to Nashville next week to see Frank Turner! I mean, did you really think I could have a come back blog post without mentioning Frank. hahaha! Silly people! I CANNOT WAIT. Capslock level excitement.

So there we have it. Updates. Busying ourselves. Hoping that since hardcore networking has not brought us a baby that possibly ignoring it will? Is there magic in booking nonrefundable trips and buying tickets to shows? If you want to see something bad enough, will the adoption happen to thwart it?  We can only hope.

I want to be a mom. John wants to be a dad. I never thought those urges would become so strong. We are ready! As always, thanks for reading. We are hopelessly hopeful as ever.

I Am Skinless. I Am Raw.

I am in love with a child I've yet to meet. I am in love with the idea of a child I may never meet. I am terrified of that thought. 

These are the words I tell myself when either someone else we know adopts or a possible match for us falls through:

You are not good enough. You are not pretty, fun, smart, thin, ANYTHING enough. Not enough.

But this is not okay. This is not what teenage me overcame self-esteem issues for, or what a functional adult tells herself. The adoption wait is hard. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. It’s not you! It’s not me or John or anyone for that matter, it just is. 

I hate the word “just”. In our battle with infertility people would often say “just adopt” or “just hire a surrogate”. There is nothing “just” about any of these paths. They are filled with trials, grief, and financial hardship. In this case, I think the word just is acceptable. It just is what it is. It’s a hard pill to swallow. It doesn't make it okay or more tolerable.

We have done all we can outside of hiring a facilitator who will charge us thousands for who knows what level of ethical behavior. We have accounts on just about all social media, I keep this blog, we have networking cards, we redid our letter with a professional designer. Our letter goes out often from IAC due to how open our profile is. Despite our efforts, here we sit two plus years later, waiting.

Wondering if we will ever be parents. 

I know there is nothing wrong with us. (I wrote that and felt a twinge of “but is there?”) No Sarah, stop it. We are young, healthy, fun, educated people. We are ideal for this. We have more love in our pinky fingers for our future child than there is love in the rest of the entire world. 

My heart hurts. Literally. There is a heavy deep ache in my heart where our child belongs. It’s been there since May. I can remember the first moment I felt it- after the nearadoption fell apart. I miss feeling lighthearted. I miss being my goofy self. I’m now serious and solemn. There is a darkness following me around. I miss the person I used to be before I knew this level of grief. My chest hurts and my guts are in a constant state of being twisted. 

I want to call up our agency and beg them for the answers. Tell us what we are missing! Tell us what we can do to make this happen! Tell us the secret to it all! I'm not surviving this and I need answers. (FYI, there are no answers). 

Friends and family don’t know what to say to us anymore. See: What We Need: A Guide if you have that problem. Invitations to events with our friend’s kids are dwindling, because no one wants to hurt us. Honestly, sometimes that’s a good thing. There are days I could snuggle my friend’s kids for hours and then there are days that the thought of being around children makes my entire body ache in longing to be a mom. Nephew excluded- nephew time welcome all day, every day. He makes my heart feel joy and love and all things light and wonderful about the world.

The problem is no one, not even myself knows what version of my adoption world I will wake up to each day. A Facebook post from a friend about her successful adoption (Yay...and cue to the self criticism). It's not under my control. I feel selfish, but it happens without my permission.

I am skinless. I am raw. My nerves are exposed and the world is poking at them with sharp fingernails. I wear my grief on the outside of my body these days. I have cried until I just don’t have any water left in my body to cry.  It’s apparent and ugly and drives people away. Please stay strong for us, please understand it’s not intentional. Please stick around for the end of this, as I believe the finale will be remarkable.

Until you have walked in our shoes, you just don’t know. Until you have wanted something this bad and had it dangled just out of reach, you can’t judge. There is no grief like feeling like you have a hole in your soul that may never be filled.   

This is the point in the daily adoption emotional roller coaster that I feel a little better. I got some stress out by writing this post. Some steam has been let out, I'm letting myself fantasize about "what if". Feeling a little exposed for what all I wrote, but I'll probably publish it anyway, because my goal is to be completely transparent. I'll blast my headphones as I work to drown out my own judgments of myself.  I'll stress about any judgments that may be flung my way and then scream away those judgments to music or maybe just a nice long stress relieving scream in the car. Yes, that would feel good.  

I Am Invincible-ish

Yargh.

It's the pirate's life for me.

No, well, it's the suburban Atlanta life for me. It's that life that mostly suits families with kids. I even bought a four door car. See? Prepared.

Gary and Neal at Carmax in Kennesaw were superb. They even put a bow on it for me. I named her Momo. Stands for Mom Mobile. High hopes, people.

My little Hyundai did me a solid the day I went to trade it in by flashing some warning lights on the dash. It didn't want me to feel bad about kicking it to the curb.

My dad made sure that me parking at Georgia Tech was properly protested. Let's hope no one keys my car over it!

She's roomy, she's got a backseat built for cramming kids in (that's how you do it right? Cram them in?). I'm so on top of this parenting thing. 









I feel like I am at a constant loss for words these days. I know, weird right? It doesn't matter the subject, I sit there and feel like I can't respond. Unless you are arguing with me about whether or not to get the flu shot (don't get me started, but yes, get the flippin flu shot), I feel kinda blank.

I had a really awful phone call from someone the other day. A bait and switch adoption professional. They call and present an expectant mom to match with, but really there is no expectant mom. They want you to pay their insane fee, then after that they will tell you that woman chose another family, but we will match you in mere days "guaranteed!" Yeah, I'm on to you. I am not new to this, I am not uneducated on this.

I admit, I reacted poorly. I was angry. I may or may not have dropped the F bomb loudly at work when I hung up. I may or may not have ranted on my personal Facebook page. I definitely screamed in the car. Well, I definitely did all of those things.

It just feels like you can't trust anyone anymore. Guilty until proven innocent is how it feels sometimes. Every call or email feels like and usually is someone trying to pull one over on you. I've always been very cynical. I'm used to seeing the world through cynical eyes, but adoption has really made me wary of just about everyone. Wary and weary.

I want the world to give us some proof that we can trust people again.

Despite all of the weird things that have happened over the last two years, we are going strong. We have some level of hope at all times that we will be parents before too long.

I'm mailing out our adoption networking pass along cards today and tomorrow. We have nine people in six states willing to pass them along. If you want some, comment or message us. I can send them anywhere in the US. We would so appreciate it! Even if you live down the street from us, we can cover the same territory! Even if you just want one to have our information on hand. I will mail you just one!

Examples of what I have done with them: I hand them to baristas, waiters, our car salesmen, and even coworkers have offered to hand some out. Friends, family, coworkers, strangers... all working for the cause. The cause being "Help build the Farrar family". Love. Love all of you.

Song of the day. This was easily my least favorite song on Frank's new album at first. Now I'm obsessed with it. Obsessed. I know, shocking.

Selfish Selflessness And Other Oxymorons

First business, then thoughts, feelings, updates...

This week will be a busy one on the blog. As of this morning, I have two guest posts to share, one of which I plan on splitting up into two posts if it makes sense when I finally get it sorted. I'm still waiting on a couple more, but those may come over time, since I don't want anyone to feel rushed. Feel free to send submissions to sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com if you want to share your thoughts on adoption in general, John and I, or ya know... something related would be best. 

So many thoughts and feelings. Here it goes.

Just adding some sunshine, before I get all introspective in this post.

I'm constantly having to remind myself that I, and WE, are stronger than this struggle.

Let me repeat that. We are stronger than this struggle. When I want to throw my hands up in the air and quit, oh and I soooo have, I have to remember that this is our dream. This is a dream that we cannot give up on. Someone I met through IAC once said to me- paraphrasing here- that the only thing that guarantees that we wont adopt is quitting.

I hesitate to share, because my feelings are not all that positive right now. Well, some are, but overall I've been having a bit of a pity party for myself and John. I am working hard to end this mindset, believe me. I'm sure I am repeating myself, but sometimes it needs to be expressed again. Waiting to adopt comes with extremely complex emotions. Joy and grief, hopefulness and hopelessness, feelings of great support and feeling utterly alone.

July is apparently THE month to adopt. Multiple friends have adopted or are matched with an expectant mom due in July. Of course I am so happy for each and every one of them, but with that happiness comes that little selfish voice of "Why not us?". I have found in this waiting process that it is impossible to be entirely selfless. I am selfish with my emotions. I am trying to be selfless with my friends and family.

When people waiting less time than us adopt, immediately self doubt comes rolling back in, introspection begins tearing up your self worth and ruining your days. I get where I want to stay home, where it's safe and judgment free. Where no one can get to us to ask why we haven't adopted yet (though with the internet, that still happens, but at least it isn't face to face). Home has TV and music, games, beds, cozy couches... all safe and secure...all comforting.

Those feelings of "I must be doing something wrong", even though you know you aren't, come to the forefront. I've seen many families wait years and they never did anything wrong. They all were awesome and beautiful and seemingly perfect people to be adoptive parents. So why be so hard on myself? I cannot answer that. I guess blaming yourself is easier than blaming others or blaming luck or lack there of.

I refuse to let this beat us down. I think it's ok to grieve, but then find your inner strength and keep at it. I know that whatever amount of time we have to wait for our child will be worth it. It wont erase what all we have been through, but our child will be loved and cherished more as a result. I want to end this post with how hopeful we are, but I'm struggling with getting those words out right now. They are caught in this heavy place in my chest.

All we can do is try harder. Put ourselves out there more. If you can find it in your heart, please share our information. Mention our adoption wait to just one person today. I have pass along cards that I can mail anywhere in the US. If anyone has any unique ideas about how we can network, we are open to suggestions.

We are going on vacation soon. Expect photos and some renewed energy and positivity shortly. Also, see our new slideshow here: SLIDESHOW OF FUN!

Now music, because music can change your entire outlook on the day. And I do love a bearded man with a guitar.

Full Throttle

Do you ever just have that burning pit in your chest that nags and nags at you? No, not heartburn, but the deep painful feeling that you get when you have no control over something? That hardcore desire to be moving forward, when you are standing still?

Ever since our failed attempt to adopt last month, my chest has been hurting. Literally hurting. It's no one's fault. Things are what things are. We've had to have so many serious conversations over the last month. Everything from asking ourselves if we need a break, to looking at our budget to try new things- go full on with this. The decision? I think a break would be a set back. We want this more than anything we have ever wanted. We are going full throttle with this adoption.

Past fears have kept us from using more profile sites or making videos, and asking more people for help getting the word out. There is fear that we will lose hard earned money, fear that our friends and family will think that we are asking too much, and fear that putting ourselves out there more will only bring in more people trying to scam us. The thing is, we can't live in fear any longer.

The Plan

We have a video in the works! I'm going to put my two semesters of grad school experience to the test by making an adoption video. It's another way for people considering adoption to see who we are when we aren't just motionless images and typed words.

We are on Adoptimist again! See our profile here: https://www.adoptimist.com/adoption-parent-profile/7849

We are going to open this blog up to guest posts from friends and family (and possibly even strangers)! If you are a friend or family member or associated with adoption in some way and want to write a bit about us, adoption, yourself, whatever- as long as it is related in some way, email us a submission at sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com .

We are going to keep passing out our pass along cards! If you want some, contact us through one of the 4 million ways to contact us on this blog! I gave one to my barista this morning at the coffee shop. Nothing but smiles and encouragement from her! It never hurts to network.

The Scoop

Our home study renewal home visit is the 20th! Phew, such relief.

We are going on vacation! A couple of days in Washington DC and then to see one of our very best friends in Philadelphia. We have missed her intensely since her and her family moved away from Atlanta! It's been over a while since we saw them and her son is already 4! FOUR! Cannot believe it. I remember seeing him when he was just hours old!

The Thanks

You know, my mind is constantly blown at the amount of support we get in this process. So, thanks for reading, commenting (love comments!), emailing, sympathizing, sometimes even just cussing along with us at the hard stuff. We love you guys.

Questions AND Answers Round Three!

It's Q&A time again! 

It has come to my attention that as we wait longer, people have more questions for us. I think that most people believed we would be parents by know (based on how awesome they think we are, of course!) We thought there would be a good chance of that as well, but we have had no such luck thus far. 

This little question and answer session rehashes some old questions that we get often and addresses some new ones as well. I appreciate everyone who participated (especially the people who let me pick their brains on some of these!). I did my best to answer each question, though I did combine some that were similar for the sake of length of the post. 

I did a lot of copying and pasting from Word, so please excuse the spacing and font issues. Kind of ridiculous!


Why do you post on social media? 

 Well, basically, it increases our chances of being seen by an expectant mother who is looking for an adoption plan. Believe me, I NEVER thought I would be putting our lives out there on social media. Actually, I was solidly against it at first! The issue is, though our agency does put us on their site and send our paper letter out to pregnant women who call them and request to see prospective adoptive families, the adoption wait can take years… and years. 

Putting ourselves out there can decrease our wait time. In fact, all contacts we have had have been through our own social networking. Unfortunately, none have worked out, but getting a contacted by anyone lets us know that at least we are visible. It is really easy to get lost in the countless families out there wishing to adopt. 


What are you doing to market yourself so expectant mothers who want to make an adoption plan can find you, and more importantly, how can we help? 

 This goes back to social media. I don't love the word "market" either, but I guess it is what it is. We have an adoption Facebook page, though with FB’s new algorithm, unless you often “like” or comment on our page or opt in to notifications, the page won’t show up on newsfeed or as suggested pages. We, as page owners, could also pay to promote our page to make it show up in newsfeeds. Let's just say that we are choosing to put our money with professional sites such as America Adopts, rather than a site that people are starting to turn away from (ahem... FB).

We also have an Instagram account, which is mostly pictures of cats, coffee and Atlanta. We have a Pinterest page that I usually forget exists, this blog of course, which I link on all accounts. I use my personal twitter and personal Facebook to network as much as possible as well. The listing on America Adopts as mentioned above is a paid profile service and helps to get us shown to more expectant mothers. They also have the most thorough website I have found for adoption education and views from all member of the adoption triad (adoptess, birth parents, and adoptive parents).

What can you do to help? 

Share! Share, share, share. Feel free to share any of our stuff. I don’t care if you are my best friend or a complete stranger, feel free to share. You can also help by just talking about us. You never know whose neighbor’s sister’s friend’s cousin is pregnant and looking to make an adoption plan. Word of mouth works!  

We have also made pass along cards for networking as well. I have about 200 more if anyone wants some to pass out to friends and family or even strangers. You can live in California, New York, Iowa or even down the street from us- passing out cards can help! Networking is key!

Is it weird being so public with your lives? 

Yes. Super weird. Super duper weird. 

See the post I did for America Adopts about blogging LINKY!


It seems to be taking a while to adopt through your agency, why not try foster to adopt or just foster care?  

I have answered this question a few times in the past. Not to say it’s not worth addressing again! We researched all of our options for having children before making this very important decision. At this time, the path we are on is the right path for us. We are not disregarding the fact that there are children without homes in the foster care system. We are not ruling out foster to adopt in the future. I know people have strong feelings about this and I don’t want to argue whether or not we are “bad” for not adopting via the state. At this point in our lives, it is not the right option for us.

I would love for every woman who gets pregnant, who wants to- to be able to keep her baby, but it’s not always possible and perhaps that is more society’s fault than anything. We are an option for those women. We are an option that includes contact between baby and the birth family, so that sense of loss, though ever present, can be eased to a certain extent. 

A dear friend once said that IAC (our agency) isn’t in the business of finding babies for waiting families, they are providing options for pregnant women who for one reason or another cannot parent. That is paraphrased, but the basic idea. 

More on why we are not adopting through foster to adopt here.

Why do some people adopt quickly and some end up waiting a long time?

It depends. Some people have huge networks of people in their lives, for example, Pastors or teachers, so word just spreads like wildfire. Some people have the money to pay for more than one adoption professional’s help. Can you afford to list on more profile sites? Can you afford to sign with more than one adoption professional? We are middle class. We have bills and dreams of home improvement and planning on a college fund for our little one. We want to be able to afford vacations to the beach and mountains with kiddo when he or she gets here. We don’t want to bring a baby home to a mountain of debt.

The ethical part of adoption is too important to us to pursue other agencies also. Our agency does it right and that is what matters. Some people just luck out. I like to think our baby just hasn’t been born yet and when it’s our time, it’s our time. It is hard to be Zen like that, but ultimately, I think it comes down to when things are “supposed” to happen in our lives. Also see the blog post I wrote for America Adopts in October 2014 Finding My Zen State While Waiting To Adopt .

 

What if your child’s birth mom lives far away, how will you maintain an open adoption?

I guess it depends on what our open adoption is like? We are open to visits, letters, pictures, holidays, birthdays etc. I think distance would make some of that harder, so some activities would have to be combined into one big trip or something. I mean, that is what they make airplanes for right? We are always up for adventures!

I have used baby gear, do you want or need anything?

Wow, thanks for the offer, but we have a 3 year old nephew and like 95% of his old baby stuff. The baby’s room is basically complete with both new stuff and “like new” hand-me-downs. Please donate your baby gear to someone who really needs it. We are overflowing with it!

So, wait, you said on Facebook that all pizza is your favorite pizza?  That can’t be, choose one favorite please.

Ok, fine I will choose just one. We are both huge fans of pineapple pizza. Lots of cheese. John doesn’t eat meat, but I sometimes want a good Hawaiian pizza. Mmmm.No onions, no olives for me. Lots of olives for John!

Can you put a picture of Earl the Squirrel on your blog?

 

Earl! So, Earl is the Registrar's Office squirrel. He’s been coming around for years, saying hello to whoever occupies a certain corner office. Recently, we though Earl was not going to be with us. Injured, acting lethargic- it didn’t look good. Much to our surprise, his injury is healing and he has been coming back around to hoard acorns. 

Earl in better days:

 

If you have a long match, will you tell us about it? Likewise, if you have last minute placement, will you share that with us? How would a last minute placement work?

It will really depend on circumstances surrounding the long match. You have to remember that a match with an expectant mother will not always end in us bringing a baby home. It is her baby until everything is signed and the revocation period is over (this period varies by state). She has every right to change her mind up until then. I think it would be harder for us and those who know us personally if we shared too much and then it didn't work out. While, we would of course respect her decision, it wouldn't feel great and we would likely want to keep that private. 

A last minute placement is a situation where we would get a call to hit the road and pick up our kiddo... hopefully. Those can fall through too. You, the reading audience, would not catch wind of that in advance, because we wouldn't know in advance. You would know once all legal stuff is said and done.

How is your extended family dealing with the wait?

Great question! I guess I should have asked them when I saw them over the weekend. From the outside looking in, I think they are doing well with it. I think there are things they didn't understand going into this (I mean, there are things we didn't understand and still don't). They seem to be handling it well, but I do notice that a few of them don't bring it up as often. Perhaps they are scared to or don't know what to say. I know they are still very excited to have a new family member though! 

Can you explain what you mean when you talk about adoption scammers? 

I'm kind of half wondering if this should be left to another post. There is a long version and a short version of this answer. 

Basically, there are two common types of adoption scammers- the emotional scammer (which is the type we have encountered) and the financial scammer (which we have luckily not come across). Emotional scammers seem to want attention, can seem very genuine at first and then things turn dramatic and negative. Financial scammers obviously try to get money out of you. Both types often pretend to be pregnant, but aren't. Sometimes they are actually pregnant and are talking to multiple families with no intent of placing. 

It is a scary part of adoptionland that we had no idea existed until we were neck deep in this. We just have to deal and move on as best we can. You live and you learn.

How did you come up with your cat’s names?  

They all just sort of came to me (Sarah). I actually still have the letter I wrote to John saying we should name Spike, Spike. I wrote it in Geology class during a summer term at UGA. I used to write him letters in class instead of learning… 

Moe was on a whim, he looked like a Moe. Waffles was Waffles’ like 4^th name. She had a few that I can’t really remember that never fit her. Waffles popped out and it felt right. I am still waiting for a friend to name a pet Pancake. Anyone?

Your blog needs more sunshine. Can you make it more upbeat? 

Oh, I try. I really do. The thing is that this blog is a chronicle of what really is happening. Adoption isn't particularly sunny all of the time. I have addressed rainbows and unicorns in the past. I think there is a common misconception that we need to paint our lives as rosy as possible, so an expectant mother feels like we are shiny happy people 100% of the time. 

I think that most people would want to see us in real life. We have experienced the entire span of emotions from elation to devastation. We document that, which I think is fine. We document our trips, concerts, and even the food we eat. I do agree that there could be some more upbeat tones in the blog and I do think I have worked on that and made that happen. 

I also think my sense of humor is quite sarcastic and dry and doesn't always translate to text. Perhaps a warning such as - look out, sarcasm coming!- would help? 

Whew. That was long! If you made it through all of that, congrats, your attention span is awesome! I hope this helped to answer some questions that people may have. You can read part 1 of the Q&A I did over a year ago HERE

Part 2 is right HERE  

So much reading! Get to it! 

Signing off on this Monday morning with Frank Turner covering Take That's "The Greatest Day" , because any day can turn out to be the GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!