Updates Galore

It has been a while since I have updated, so I thought I would sit down and write a bit about everything.  Christmas was a nice, quiet success.  John's mom and sister came the evening of the 22nd and we had dinner and exchanged gifts.  It is always nice to have them over.  John and I had our Christmas on Christmas Eve.  John got me the globe that I have been nerdily asking for the past few months.  I got John a portable record player, so now he can listen to his extensive record collection all over the house.

On Christmas day, my parents, my brother Noah and his family (wife Heather and son Henry) came over.  We had party trays from Publix, because seriously, who has the time and energy to cook a huge meal this year?!  Next year I would like to cook the entire Christmas dinner and dessert deal, but honestly this year I was sick with a cold, then a horrible sinus infection and some weird joint thing that made it hard to move around.  Yes, I got sick for Christmas.... thanks Santa!  We made every effort to enjoy the holiday, illness and all.  We are hoping and wishing that next Christmas will be celebrated with our baby.

Our stay-cation has been pretty great.  We saw The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on Thursday.  It was really good, I highly recommend it and I definitely recommend going at 10:30am like we did.  Just us and the elderly! After a couple of days to wallow in my sinus misery, we went to Rev Coffee this morning and met my parents, Noah, Heather and Henry.  If you haven't been to Rev in Smyrna, GA, it is a must try.  My favorite iced coffee ever.  I may go there too often, as I don't even have to order anymore, they just start making it as I walk in.

Tomorrow the High Museum is offering free admission, so we are going to take our chances on a huge crowd and go see some art!  It was on my stay-cation list of things to do, so it is perfect timing.  John goes back to work on New Year's Day and I go back on January 2nd.  I am still hoping to see the Bodies Exhibit on Tuesday.  I've been outed as a huge geek in this blog.  Globes and preserved bodies, that is what makes my day.

So, next time I make a blog entry, it will be 2014.  We never thought when we started our quest to become parents that 2013 would be ending without any success in the baby department!  Let's all hope 2014 is our year. Let's also hope that the other waiting adoptive couples out there meet their babies as well.  2014, year of the baby! 

Stay-cation. Word.

John and I had a trip planned to go to Charlotte, NC for a curling meet (game? match? bonspiel?) at the end of next week with the Atlanta Curling Club.  I'm not really down with the lingo, so please forgive me.  Unfortunately, the venue decided they couldn't hold the event after all, so we are planning a little vacation around our own city.  On my to-do list is to go to the Bodies exhibit, the Anne Frank Museum and possibly the High Museum of Art.  We went to the Georgia Aquarium and Fernbank Museum of Natural History on my birthday in March, so it is time to explore some other options.  If it isn't freezing outside, I want to get my bicycle up to par and take it out for a spin around the neighborhood or maybe on the Silver Comet Trail.  We have no reason to not use the trail, since we are about 2 miles from it.  I don't think laziness is a real excuse!

I think it is good to keep busy during the adoption wait.  Generally, my classes would be my main distraction, but we are in between terms right now.  In the meantime, sitting still and dwelling on the lack of having a baby or how difficult this process is, cannot be healthy.  I have booked myself full again this week.  Dinner and drinks with friends to celebrate the end of a semester, the beginnings of new friendships, the holiday season... you name it, we are celebrating it.  My friend who lives half way across the country is coming to stay with us Friday night.  We have a big plan to get out to my local watering hole and just relax (and eat pub food! yum!).  It hasn't been an easy year for her or myself for that matter.  Maybe we will just celebrate the end of 2013 coming and the beginning of a new year- a blank slate.  She and I also need to discuss our upcoming coffee table book- How Not to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse. Please don't steal our idea, our book will be better no matter how funny you may think you are.  We have a whole series of how-to's and how not-to's planned, that will no doubt make us rich and famous.  Right???

Babies, babies, babies.  That is where my head really is.  Maybe it is some sort of hormonal cycling, but my brain is all "When is this going to happen?"  "Why isn't it happening yet?"  "We are pretty cool, shouldn't someone looking to place think so too?!".  Logically, I know these things take time.  Emotionally, these things taking time can feel torturous.  I am well aware of the realities of adoption, the wait, the psychological implications on everyone involved.  I believe that women looking to place their babies are having to make much harder decisions than we have made thus far.  Maybe it is just harder for me to stay as positive during the holidays.  I assume it is for most people who are sharing in this long quest to parenthood.  I did stop and get a venti cup of liquid positivity at Starbucks this morning.  Nothing gets me through the day like iced coffee.

Okay, so those are my ramblings for the day.  I already feel some of the weight lifted just by writing it all down.  Blogging is very therapeutic!  That's it, everyone start a blog- it will resolve all of your untamed emotions and quite possibly save the world!  I need a Nobel Peace Prize for that one. 

Friday Thoughts

It is Friday the 13th, but I don't believe in the superstition surrounding the date.  The origin of this superstition that I had always heard was that the number 13 is unlucky, as is Friday.  Put them together and you have yourself a bad day.  I was curious to see what the real lore behind it is, so I looked it up on wikipedia (totally the most reliable source ever....right).  Apparently, nobody really knows, but there are many theories behind it.  There is even a phobia of Friday the 13th called friggatriskaidekaphobia.  Hmmm, I don't know, I really love any Friday, regardless of the date.  I think I have a phobia of Mondays instead.  Anyway, the things you learn on wikipedia!

So, a recap of this weeks happenings is in order.  First and foremost, we had a really great time at the Independent Adoption Center's holiday party.  We were able to get to know other hopeful adoptive parents, who we had seen at support groups, but never had the chance to really chat with.  It really is nice to feel the camaraderie between everyone flowing in one room.  The IAC does such a wonderful job of making an adoption community out of it all.  Plus they had Roly Poly platters.  Oh man, I could eat Roly Poly sandwiches every single day!  If they keep providing the sandwiches, I will keep showing up for anything they want me to!

Wednesday night I met my friend Karen and her new baby for dinner.  Baby Zachary was placed with Karen and her husband in November.  I got to hear their adoption experience story in whole and though it definitely sounded overwhelming, it was still beautiful, because they have their child now.  Zachary is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen.  He was great at dinner, sleeping, eating, giving me the ole' one eyed "don't take my bottle" stare.  I held him and took in the new baby sounds and scent.  He gave me a good stretch and stuck his tiny hand in my face when I wiggled too much, as if to say- look lady, you don't know me, but I need you to chill.  I took it as an opportunity to examine his unbelievably tiny fingers.

Yesterday was our office Christmas lunch and party.  We do a white elephant gift exchange every year, but each year it gets a little more serious.  I thought everyone knew you were supposed to bring something ridiculous and depend on one or two people to bring nice stuff that everyone tries to get.  At our party, we had a lot of nice stuff and a few gag gifts. So backwards!  Nobody appreciated the my "bad gift" of mustache magnets.  Well, that is a bit of a lie, because after the party one of my coworkers traded for them and once she got home promptly posted a picture of her cats with mustaches! (Picture below)  After the party I went out with a couple of friends, one after the other, so I didn't get home until after 8:30.  This week has been exhausting, but a lot of fun.

That being said, I am so relieved to have nothing lined up tonight!  I can finally just go home, clean up the house, work out, and watch some Netflix.  John is closing at his job and I have barely seen him all week.  I overbooked myself for sure.  It is really easy this time of year to get pulled in every direction at once.   I can't wait to just spend some time with him tomorrow.  Once we have a baby, we will be in most of the time, so I guess it is good to go out as much as possible now.

Courtesy of Laura Alger Copyright 2013

And the same coworker made me a homemade grumpy cat ornament!  I love it more than most everything right now.

That wraps up another week of waiting for our adoption match to happen!  We will get through next week and the next and so on until it happens.  We remain positive and excited about what is to come! 

Celebrations

In the past, celebrating in December was limited to office parties and Christmas day.  This year we have more to celebrate and a pretty packed schedule.

Saturday we went to our nephew Henry's second birthday party.  It was more or less a family occasion, with the exception of a couple of friends and their son.  Their son is only a couple of weeks older than Henry, so they have known each other more or less since birth.  It is pretty cool to see their interactions change as they get older and more aware of each other.  Henry made out like a bandit on gifts.  He is really into Monster's Inc, so we got him Monster's University, which may or may not be a little beyond a 2 year old's comprehension.  All that really matters is that he gets to see Sully be silly apparently.  Last night at dinner Henry told us that Sully is "so dunny" (funny for those of you that don't speak 2 year old).

After the party, John and I went to a Christmas tree lot and debated buying a real tree this year.  We have always used fake ones in the past, mostly for ease and partially for cat reasons.  We decided to use the fake again this year and start the real tree tradition once we have a child.  We both have great memories of going to pick out trees before Christmas with our families.  We want our child to have those memories as well.  I want to get a wreath made out of Christmas tree limbs, so our house has that tree scent.  We went home and decorated the house for Christmas.  It feels so official now.  Guess that means I better get to Christmas shopping!  Giving out free hugs probably wont actually cut it.

I think the den turned out pretty good!

 

Sunday John had to work, so I woke up and watched a movie that we recorded during a free HBO preview.  It was Elizabeth, which is about Elizabeth I, who was the last monarch in the Tudor dynasty.  I like how the movie depicted the people to be more ordinary looking, unlike the HBO show The Tudors, which made everyone out to be models.  We all know that wasn't the case back when the hygiene was not so great! Sunday night, my brother Noah invited me over to have burgers.  I played barn animals with Henry before and after dinner and took a few pictures for John, since he couldn't join us.  

Tomorrow night is our adoption agency's Christmas party, then I have plans Wednesday to meet my friend's newly adopted son!  I cannot wait to meet him!  His arrival was sudden, but they had been working on the adoption process for quite a while.  I just couldn't be any happier for them.  Thursday is the office Christmas party and then celebrating the end of the semester of grad school with friends.  

A note to our awesome friends:  A lot of people are asking how they can spread the word on our adoption.  One thing you can do is share our iheartadoption profile or this blog on your Facebook page, twitter, personal blog, or whatever other form a social media you use.  If you know someone who is thinking of placing their baby, you can direct them to our profile or our agency, the Independent Adoption Center.  Links to both are on the right side of this page.  The toll free number is routed straight to my cell phone and we both check the email address sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com.  Even if we turn out not to be the adoptive parents for the expectant mother, maybe someone else at our agency would be a good fit.  Our agency also offers help to those who are still deciding what to do.  I can't say enough good things about the support they offer to us and expectant mothers.      

That pretty much sums up what has been going on and what this week holds for us.  December 9th already!

Organizing The Disorganized

Today as I was thinking about what to write about, I kept getting overwhelmed by all of the current disorganization in my life.  I couldn't seem to focus on one thought when so many things felt out of control around me.  In true Sarah fashion, I made a list.  I am the queen of lists.  Even my lists have lists.

I have a master list or approximately 100 things I would like to accomplish, both long term and short term.  I have had some incarnation of that list for about a year and half now and it is ever evolving.  The master list stays with me, reminding me that I have a drive to succeed and a strong urge to make something of myself.  Number one on that list has been and still is, wait for it.... have a baby.  I have crossed major things off of that list- lost a lot of weight, got into grad school, made my best time ever in a 5K, but that one item still sits there staring at me.  I feel like it wont be too long though.  I have a gut feeling and my gut has never done me wrong before.

John and I opened our adoption profile up more situations.  This means we are willing to look at adoption situations where the baby might be born dependent on drugs, have a slightly higher risk for certain health conditions and have a slightly higher risk for certain mental health conditions.  I couldn't imagine saying I wouldn't accept a baby who had a risk of a moderate health condition, since I am a person who has experienced one myself.  How could I say no to someone like me?  I am a healthy, productive member of society, who will likely live just as long as anyone else.  Why turn down an opportunity to raise a child, just because it may be more challenging?  If anyone can do it, it is John and I.

I feel good about our choice.  This doesn't mean we will be adopting a child who will be disabled forever.  We have the freedom to look at the scenario and say it isn't for us. No one ever knows what will happen to their child in the long run.  A healthy baby born from perfectly normal pregnancy can end up with health problems. 

Oh yes, I was talking about organization.  I spent the morning organizing my desk and pending paperwork.  I have a new list of things to clean and organize at home and a new short term goal list.  Lists make me feel calm.  I like having a plan of action! I love apps for my phone where I can set all types of goals.  I have runkeeper to set work out goals, fitness pal to set goals to eat healthy, banks apps to watch as I reach my savings goals, and games to beat old scores. 

The big plan this week is to finish my final exam for my class.  This will be the last thing I do for my first semester of grad school.  So happy it is over, but looking forward to starting next term.  John and I are then going to go all out for Christmas.  Hoping for a big tree, lots of baking cookies, and lights in the front yard.  We want to make it a good one this year, since hopefully it will be the last one that is just the two of us.  My nephew turns 2(!) on Saturday!  I really can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that I was at the hospital all  night waiting for him to be born.  Last Saturday he spent the afternoon at our house and talked our heads off.  From wiggly newborn to full, somewhat coherent, sentences.  It is absolutely amazing to watch him grow and learn.  He has more personality in his little finger than most people have in their entire bodies.

I am rambling at this point.  Here is to another successful Thanksgiving in the past and a very exciting 2 year birthday this Saturday! 

Optimism

Being optimistic is not always something that comes naturally to me.  It is something I have had to work hard for at times.  That being said, I have had an overwhelming sense of optimism lately.  Here are some thoughts on life!

Obviously, the adoption is first and foremost on my mind.  I feel certain that someone will come across our profile or this blog or find us by word of mouth and think we are the right match to raise her child.  Our willingness to participate in an open adoption is first for the child, then for the birth mother and lastly for us- though it is very important for us as well.  After reading a lot about how psychologically, open adoption is best for everyone in the adoption triad, I can't imagine doing it any other way.  At first it was hard to picture having another woman in my child's life.  After getting a greater understanding of the roles in open adoption, I see the benefits to all parties involved.

The open adoption agreement could be anything from pictures every few months to visits throughout the year.  If we adopt in the state of Georgia, the open adoption agreement is now legally binding. Any plan we make, we have to be willing to stick to.  This is why matching with the right person is so important.  Our agency (IAC) says that it is amazing how adopting couples and birth mothers find each other, like it was always meant to be.  I don't know if they are just trying to keep the morale of the hopeful adoptive parents up or what, but I do think it will probably be a lot like when you find your husband/wife/partner/best friend etc.  You just know.

On that note, I love having that feeling of certainty and perfection about John, our marriage, our life together.  We went to Asheville, NC earlier this week for one night to see a musician (Frank Turner of course!).  I started the trip coffee-less and grumpy.  I may have been a terror to have in the car for the 30 minutes I didn't have any caffeine.  After a night away, just John, myself and a ton of delicious Asheville treats, I couldn't imagine being grumpy towards him again.  It is great to just reconnect every once in a while.  He is so calm and patient, so loving, so understanding and he laughs at me when I get "hangry" (that is hungry-angry for those who are not down with the lingo!).  Who wouldn't love someone who takes their wife's hangry moments like a champ!?  That is my love.  Sorry ladies, I am keeping him forever.  Sorry John, if I just embarrassed you.

Tomorrow my dad and I are doing another 5k.  That is our thing now and I love that we get to do these together.  I will pretend that it is no big deal that my 60-something year old dad can beat my time.  I am going to try to run as much as I can, but my doctor told me that walking is better for my joints, because I have special joints.  That doesn't really deter me from wanting to prove that I can run though.  I'll play it by ear.

Next week is Thanksgiving and I still have not cemented any Turkey Day plans.  Thinking of just making a bunch of food and having a "drop by when you can" sort of day.  Assuming people don't mind reheating food if they wait all day to stop in.  I think when our family grows, the holiday traditions will pick back up.  It is hard when we have two sides to our family and my brother and sister-in-law have two sides to theirs.  There is only so much time in a day.  Once the baby is here, we can have those huge holiday celebrations where we invite everyone and eat until we can't hold our eyes open.

Man, I am even feeling a little optimistic about work right now.  Cubical dwellers unite! I haven't even finished my morning coffee yet, perhaps today will be a good day.

Feeling good  about life and our future!  Feeling like I might even finish the nursery soon!  It is about 80% complete.  Stay tuned for sneak peeks.

The Holidays Are Upon Us

Please tell me that I didn't just type that!  It cannot already be mid-November.

Holidays in the Farrar household are different now that we are trying to become a family of (at least) three.  In the past it was all about getting to the homes of both sides of our family, eating as much as we could stuff in, and then going back home to sleep off the food coma.  Now the holidays feel a little bit empty and less special.  This opinion represents my view only (Sarah), but I am pretty sure John feels at least similar.  Our nephew is basically all that keeps things exciting around the holidays.  He is almost two and a serious motivation in our quest to become parents.   

It isn't that I don't enjoy the holidays just because we aren't parents.  It is more of a sense of something missing.  Of course we have amazing and supportive people on both sides of our family, who we always look forward to seeing on Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I really can't complain.  I like to think this isn't a complaint post, it is just a post about working out my feelings on getting through yet another holiday season without someone considering us his or her parents. 

Oh, holidays!  May you fill our lives with glorious calorie ridden food, naps, family, and even a little televised football for John.  I can only hope you will also bring the third member of our family along with you.

The Frank Turner show was amazing by the way.  I am a changed woman!  I sang my face off and left exhausted yet exhilarated.  Guess what?  We are doing it all over again tomorrow night!  Yes, we bought tickets to the next closest show.  John is such a good husband, indulging my music obsession like that.  Cheers to John for being awesome!

John here.

 I used to think that age 35 was ancient. I remember my parents being 35, for crying out loud. But here I am.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and I don't need to think about what I'm thankful for. Sarah's kidney is doing great, so much so that I have to remind myself not to take it for granted. There was a time in our lives when becoming a family didn't seem possible. I'll never forget the look on Sarah's face when, after trying to get pregnant for over a year and facing infertility treatment or surgery, I blurted out "Why don't we just start the adoption process and see what happens?" That was 8 months ago, and now we're live and our letters are being sent out. I would love to be able to watch and see what a birthmother thinks of our letter. I hope that who we are comes through and they can see how excited we are.

The hardest part of waiting (all 6 weeks so far, ha) for me has been pacing myself and tempering my expectations. After going through all the paperwork and red tape, you're ready for the next part - the baby - to come. All of the day to day routines and little moments have extra weight now, thinking about what it will mean when we are chosen.

That's it for now. I'm going to figure out how to post mp3s on here, so that's something to look forward to.

Who Am I? By Sarah

I am a girl, wait... woman (forget my age sometimes) who has climbed my way through life, making obstacles that seemed to be mountains into tiny little anthills.  I am a wife, a daughter, sister, aunt, student, a wannabe ukulele and guitar player, and hopeful adoptive mom.  Also a fan of the Oxford comma, as demonstrated in the previous sentence.  If you get it, you get it, if not- that is on you.

I'm the type of person who doesn't let a little something like a kidney transplant get in the way of life.  I graduated from UGA in 2003 and am getting my MED in Media with a concentration in Instructional Technology.  The program is online, which was never my dream, but it is progress.  That may have to go on hold once we have a baby, but until then, I am working my hardest at making grades I can be proud of.

My friends and family are really important to me.  I don't know who I would be without them.  I honestly can't believe the outpouring of support we have experienced from friends - old and new.  The process of adopting is very stressful and it helps to have people rooting for us or just making themselves available when things get hard and I need to vent a little (or a lot).  So, thanks for everyone's patience when I think too much, go into panic mode, and then slowly return to my rational self. 
 
It is hard to put why I want to be a mother in words.  It is something you can't describe, it is a feeling.  It is an urge to take care of and love someone.  It is an emptiness that nothing else seems to fill.  I know that John and I are pretty cool people and would raise a pretty awesome kid.  I want to be real on the blog, because it is for John and I really.  We aren't trying to pretend we are people we are not.  I have read so many adoption blogs where people detail their lives, but in a way that doesn't seem genuine.  John and I are really genuine people, we allow for the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have no idea if I will sleep tonight, because tomorrow I am finally seeing my favorite singer live.  Anyone who knows me knows that my love for Frank Turner's music is an obsession.  It is an embarrassing, freakish obsession.  Actually no, I am not ashamed, I fully support shameless obsessions with your favorite bands.  I didn't even know there was a genre of music called folk punk until I heard him.  I am totally sold!  Tomorrow night you can find me nerdin' out the show fulfilling a dream of seeing him play.  Then I get to see him again on the 18th in Asheville, NC.  Best.Month.Ever.

I am trying to get John to write a bit about himself.  Hopefully that will happen in the near future.  Goodnight everyone (if there is an "everyone" reading this).

   

And So It Begins

St. Augustine Beach -June 2013

We are Sarah and John Farrar from Smyrna, Georgia.  I, Sarah, wanted to start this blog to document our road to creating our family through adoption.  I hope to one day be able to look back at everything and see what an amazing journey we have experienced. 

John and I met while attending the University of Georgia in 2001.  We both worked at a local movie theater and were introduced by mutual friends.  We knew almost instantly that we never wanted to be apart.  I know that sounds pretty cheesy, but when you know, you just know.  I told John very early on that I would not be able to have children the "old fashioned way".  You see, I am a kidney transplant recipient and that really complicates my ability to carry a baby.  He still wanted to be with me, even declaring that he would one day marry me, only a month into our relationship.  For once, I wasn't scared off by a boy coming on strong!  

Six years after we started dating, we were married in a small ceremony in Marietta, Georgia.  We only invited our favorite people in order to retain the intimate feel we felt best suited us.  Three years after our wedding, I needed a second kidney transplant.  In 2010, my awesome brother ponied up one of his kidneys and I have been great ever since! Unfortunately, due to the location of the new kidney, the surgery completely destroyed my left fallopian tube, which in return has caused fluid that is toxic to embryos to leak into my uterus.  Well, call me infertile and let's move on with this adoption!  It was always plan A anyway!  

We have been active with the Independent Adoption Center since September 23, 2013.  We are pursuing an open adoption, which means that we would like to have an ongoing relationship with the birth mother and hopefully even the entire extended birth family if possible.  With open adoption, the birth mother chooses us.  There is no official list that you move up on.  It is all finding that match that works perfectly for us and the birth mother.  We can't wait to be matched and begin our life with our child and all of the new people it will bring.  

Our adoption profile can be found on iheartadoption.org adoptionhelp.org or just click on the link below.  http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/sarahandjohnadopt

Next up: Get to know John and I as individuals!