Hits And Misses: A Story of a Neardoption

I've been told by more than one person that I don't put enough of a positive spin on this blog. Problem being, I am trying to keep it real and keeping it real means showing how desperately hard our path to parenthood has been.

I have had my venti cup of liquid encouragement (I'll take mine with cream, no sugar if anyone is picking up!), so here goes my Tuesday truths and with some rainbows and maybe a passing unicorn for what really could have been the hardest adoption week yet.

This is my therapy post. Releasing it and moving on to us really finding Baby Farrar.

We had a neardoption (my new word). I wont give details, because the who's and how's are noneya business. I'll just say it lasted a week, an intense "oh crap our home study docs are expiring" sort of week. An "oops we never quite bought everything we need to bring baby home" sort of week. And mostly a "who the heck do we tell? work? family? friends?" sort of week. Breathe in, breathe out.

Anyway, it ended. I had a gut feeling towards the second to last day. I gave my tension and anxiety over it up to the adoption powers that be and tried to relax. Got the call the next day that he would not be our baby, leaked a few tears in the car, ate ice cream for dinner like two nights in a row, had some times with friends and then hung out with my brother for distraction purposes (there may have been a Monday Night Brewery, Drafty Kilt mixed in there somewhere- local brewery, dark beer, my fav occasional treat). And I bought this for my ever growing onesie collection:

Because hangry is my favorite word.

I had to be the one to break it to John, which I dreaded more than anything. He was at work when I got the call. He was delayed getting home and I was texting him that he was needed ASAP. Then in my lack of thinking, I sent " I have some really bad news" to him over text. Insta-regret. Not cool, Sarah. Of course he knew what said news was. You know when John is upset, because he sighs heavily at random. He isn't one to get angry or cry. It's just a lot of silence with random sighs chucked in there. Saturday John busied himself with yard work. We both did really, but he did the bulk of it. We spent a fortune on mulch and new shrubs, since ours died over the last two winters.

We are trying cardboard as weed barrier. Free and biodegradable

 We emotionally shopped and bought a seven foot "beanbag" type chair thingy out of just wanting to feel better. Darn you Amazon Prime! Now, where to put it? Maybe in the music room? For record listening? Like, it's massive and not really grown-up life compatible. That's a story for another day.

Seriously, what have we done?

So, where are we now? Back to waiting of course! We are truckin' on. Hopes high and spirits blazing. I mean, we had a legit contact! That's something! We know that even though we really would have loved for this baby to be ours, he is with his family and that is beautiful too.  

In other news, Brew at the Zoo is this weekend. I will be that crazy 35 year old who rides the carousel 20 times (Free rides with entry fee to the event!). We have been going every year to celebrate my brother's birthday. It is tons of fun and you get to sample beer from local breweries, while seeing zoo animals! What? Yes! Next weekend if the National Kidney Foundation Kidney Walk. Our team is um...bare.. this year. We haven't raised nearly as much as we usually do. I have admittedly been super distracted. To donate or join and walk with us follow this Linky Dinky Doo 

You don't have to be our BFF to join us. We will be happy to have anyone. You can walk as little or as much as you want while supporting a great cause. Speaking of kidneys, next month I celebrate five years with my second kidney transplant! All thanks to my brother for being kind enough to pop one out and give it to me (if only it was that simple!). There will be some sort of celebration. June is also the month I had my first transplant in 1999, thanks to my mom. There will also be some sort of commemoration of that! Maybe I just like to celebrate things, ok? 

I leave you with another picture of Earl Nutters Esq., the office squirrel. He found himself a rice crispy treat! Get it Earl! 

What? I Can't Hear You!

I admittedly have had a really hard time coming up with meaningful posts lately- or any posts at all actually. This post will be neutral... I think...I just feel we need an update here. Something to keep this thing going. Writing through the struggle!

Here is a tale of an ear drum exploding. My ear drum. It all goes back to renewing our home study. You see, back in February I decided that my internal medicine doctor was not a good fit for me and may or may not have stormed out yelling or crying or a combination of both. That's what happens when a doctor thinks she knows me more than I know myself. Long story.

This means I had no regular doctor to do my physical for my home study. I called probably 20 doctors of all varieties with a bunch of "no's" unless you are already a patient there. Finally, thanks to a friend in the adoption wait, I found an urgent care facility who would do it. An urgent care facility where I would pick up one.nasty.bug.

About 6 hours after leaving the appointment I had a fever, chills, aches, extreme fatigue and a sore throat. Three days later all of those issues subsided and my ears started hurting. Within about 8 hours of ear pain, my left ear drum ruptured. Might I say it exploded? Yeah, it did. It was awful and gross and intensely painful. Nearly 3 weeks later it no longer sounds like a hurricane in there, but my hearing is still a little off.

It's like being in a fog. A silent, but not totally silent, more like wind tunnel sounding fog. Too tired to write or keep up with renewing home study documents. I finally found my way out of the fog though.

You guys... I had to go to a Frank Turner show with a bum ear! A Frank Turner show! With a bum ear! Anyone shocked that I still had the time of my life? I so did. Two hours of Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls in the middle of the night? Count me in!

Anyway. I got thrown off for nearly 3 weeks. Illness, bum ear drum, allergies from hell. But hopefully I'm back up and writing. Darn the home study renewal. Nearly made me deaf...

I can't even tell you if we have adoption updates. It's still such a weird process. Movement, then no movement. Nothing, then fast forward, then stall out. Hurry up and wait.

I've been day dreaming a lot about the beach. That is probably going to need to happen ASAP.  Unless our baby come to us first, then beach next year. Please universe, please! Yep, I am down to begging the powers that be. Just let this work out.

I know come Thursday, I need a little pick me up to get through the last couple days of work. For this reason, I present to you:

Death Metal Mary Poppins. Enjoy.