I have had some requests for updates on our adoption process- so sorry that I haven't updated in a while. Life duties won out over blogging and my sinuses have been really messed up this week. It's hard to feel witty or creative when your face feels like it has shards of glass in it. This post comes to you courtesy of my sinus infection- it may make a lot of typos and babble on, since sinus infections generally don't write blog posts.
So, where do we stand in the adoption process now? Same place we stood last time I wrote. Waiting waiting waiting. In less than two months we will be on the LMHL (last minute hospital list) which means it will be a year since we went live, because you get added to that list at 12 months. We will not be defying any average wait times apparently. In the meantime, we have been making ourselves busy as usual.
Today marks day 17 of the 30 day yoga challenge. Last night was working your way into splits and I literally laughed when I saw the title. Surprisingly though, I got a lot closer (with right leg forward only) than I thought I would. The left side of my body must be tighter than the right. I am loving yoga, even if I whine my way through some of the sessions, I feel so amazing afterward that I keep going back to it to relax and feel good. I recommend it for anyone who is in a stressful period of life.
John is about to start a new season of league curling with the Atlanta Curling Club. It starts in September, so they are doing all of the prepwork over the next month. He has a trip to Charlotte, NC for another bonspiel coming up, but I can't go, since Tech classes start right after and I have orientation sessions to work. We start getting a little busy right before classes start each fall. I really wish I could go with him! I keep picturing next year's bonspiels with a baby strapped to my chest, all bundled up and warm. Our little family exploring a new city while the other teams curl.
Things to look forward to: Another yoga challenge that I am adding to my current one starts August 4th. The overlap should be interesting. Ladies night out with other waiting adoptive/adoptive moms at a painting studio. We are all also trying to organize a picnic for the families who are waiting to adopt or have already adopted through IAC's Georgia office, just for some fun and support. John and I think it is really important to have an adoption network even after we adopt. For our sake and our child(ren)'s sake. Fall is coming, which means 5ks again. I don't like to do them in the summer, because my lungs have a serious complaint with Georgia humidity.
So, here we sit, waiting for our family to grow. Busying ourselves with distractions and prepping the nursery as usual. We are ever hopeful that our baby is on his or her way to us. Thank you to everyone for the ongoing support!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Pretty in Pink
A little warning. This is a reality post. I wrote it last night after letting the stress of it all get to me and does not necessarily represent John's views on things. This morning, after talking to friends and support people, I feel the same, but with more strength. Day 3 of the yoga challenge helped, because it was awful... I know that doesn't make sense at first, but the point is that I felt like I was failing, but I did it anyway. A metaphor for the whole adoption process? Because we are stronger than the struggle. We all are. Whatever you are fighting right now, you are tougher than it is.
What I wrote last night:
I realized today that I am trying to power through #100happydays on Instagram and chipper blog posts during what has really turned out be the darkest time of my life. I don't mean that every waking moment I feel depressed, but with so much uncertainty, things just often look so grim. I am a member of many adoption groups on Facebook and Yahoo. I rejoice as people get matched with an adoption situation and become parents, I grieve for them when it doesn't work out. I mourn for the women who have had to make the decision to place their babies or are in the process of making it. As much as I feel for these people, the real darkness I feel comes from fear. It is fear that I am reading about my future in these posts. Fear of the unknown. Failed matches, reclaim of the baby after it is in our arms, scammer after scammer (that one we have experienced to a smaller extent) are all distinct possibilities. I often want to scream at whatever higher power exists "WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!" Not just for John and I, but for everyone involved.
Could we wake up tomorrow and become parents and have the perfect open adoption? Absolutely. Could we be waiting years and accept a situation that does not bode well for openness (not ideal)? Sure. Somebody please give me a crystal ball. I need to know the future.
Ok, it is out of my system. I spilled it. I was negative on the blog. We can only go up from here!
It is going to be a long day. My work friends are all off today and I forgot my lunch. I have a doctor's appointment at 3 that I would rather not attend. I think though, that I saw a good sign this morning. I really wanted to stay in bed and forget about responsibility, but we all know that can't happen (often). After some pep talk from my friend in Sydney, Australia, who is like 14 hours ahead and therefore has already conquered this day, I headed to the car and saw this:
The sunrise was making the clouds pink and creating a "world tinted pink" effect on everything. I felt like it was a sign to start seeing the world a little rosier. I know this adoption will have a conclusion. I know it will happen for us.
Repeat after me.. everything is going to be okay!
What I wrote last night:
I realized today that I am trying to power through #100happydays on Instagram and chipper blog posts during what has really turned out be the darkest time of my life. I don't mean that every waking moment I feel depressed, but with so much uncertainty, things just often look so grim. I am a member of many adoption groups on Facebook and Yahoo. I rejoice as people get matched with an adoption situation and become parents, I grieve for them when it doesn't work out. I mourn for the women who have had to make the decision to place their babies or are in the process of making it. As much as I feel for these people, the real darkness I feel comes from fear. It is fear that I am reading about my future in these posts. Fear of the unknown. Failed matches, reclaim of the baby after it is in our arms, scammer after scammer (that one we have experienced to a smaller extent) are all distinct possibilities. I often want to scream at whatever higher power exists "WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!" Not just for John and I, but for everyone involved.
Could we wake up tomorrow and become parents and have the perfect open adoption? Absolutely. Could we be waiting years and accept a situation that does not bode well for openness (not ideal)? Sure. Somebody please give me a crystal ball. I need to know the future.
Ok, it is out of my system. I spilled it. I was negative on the blog. We can only go up from here!
It is going to be a long day. My work friends are all off today and I forgot my lunch. I have a doctor's appointment at 3 that I would rather not attend. I think though, that I saw a good sign this morning. I really wanted to stay in bed and forget about responsibility, but we all know that can't happen (often). After some pep talk from my friend in Sydney, Australia, who is like 14 hours ahead and therefore has already conquered this day, I headed to the car and saw this:
Repeat after me.. everything is going to be okay!
Monday, July 14, 2014
We Could Insist On The Impossible
Keeping busy during the adoption wait is vital to our mental stability. I have mentioned in previous posts that John is in the Atlanta Curling Club (it is an ice sport, not curling like with weights... ahem..LJ, I am looking at you.) John also sorta kinda has a band... long story? Or short story that I don't actually know? No story at all maybe? Music is occasionally played in our basement. That is all I know!
I have tried all sorts of things to keep busy. I started yoga a couple of months ago, but not in a class setting, though I would love to find the right class. For now I am using doyogawithme.com and Yoga With Adrienne on Youtube. Yoga isn't easy people. Maybe it's just me, but I can really work up a sweat with these videos. I just found a 30 day yoga challenge on Youtube, so I am going to challenge myself to stick with it for 30 days straight. You know how there are those days where you get home from work and you just want to eat and watch TV in your jammies? Or you want to sleep that extra 30 minutes after your alarm goes off? Yeah, that isn't going to happen for 29 more days! I can't wait to feel the difference from day 1 to day 30.
Once it cools off a little, I want to restart C25K or "couch to 5k" for those of you who aren't down with the lingo. Man, I do love my couch though. I think next time we should buy a less comfortable couch, so I don't feel the magnetic pull of relaxation. There is a 5k that I like to do in Smyrna in October called the Spooktacular Chase. This will be my third year and I would love to cut my time down a little. John doesn't like to do 5ks, but he works on his feet, so I get it. He goes and hangs out with our nephew while the rest of us do the race. This 5k winds around my brother's neighborhood and I will admit that jogging past his street on that last stretch is the hardest! You picture the couch, the air conditioning, the bathroom! I have forced myself to finish each time though. Finishing a 5k as someone who would have considered herself disabled by kidney failure only a 5 years ago, feels amazing. Walking, jogging or running, it doesn't matter. It is all about finishing.
I also have been working a little on the nursery. There isn't a lot I can do until we know boy/girl, single birth/twins etc. I do get tired of buying gender neutral everything, even though I don't really believe in enforcing gender stereotypes. There is only so much yellow, green and gray you can buy! Why must so many blue things say "little man" and pink say "princess". It's 2014 after all! What I did do lately is add a nightlight, Peter Rabbit to go with the crib bedding. Thanks Pottery Barn Kids coupon! I also bought a basket to store diaper related stuff that will go the changing station dresser. I washed everything we have so far, just in case! Do any other waiting families do kind of superstitious things? Like, I thought to myself one day that if I wash the bedding and newborn stuff, I will demonstrate to the world that we are ready and baby will find us. Or when we were going on our last trip, I was at the grocery store getting road snacks and I just felt the extreme need to buy something for baby and in my head it was like a lucky charm or something. I bought a bottle and it wasn't lucky. Obviously, impromptu baby supply shopping will not make it happen, but you start letting those thoughts slip in.
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| Corner of the nursery. Details to be added once baby is here Extra furniture will be gone too.. |
It's so easy to start playing games in your head. The wait will do that to you... make you a little weird. You start thinking things like, of course we haven't been matched yet, we have dishes building up in the sink... we have yet to prove that we are good enough to be parents! Silly things like that. Of course parents let their dishes pile up sometimes. Everyone does. Of course there are no adoption gods watching the size of our laundry pile or measuring the amount of veggies we eat. The truth is there is no rhyme or reason as to when that fateful day happens and you meet the woman who will trust you enough to raise her child. There is no agenda for this process, just an outline with many variables. There is no visible finish line ahead, just a lot of hurry up and wait. Hurry up and get cleared by the FBI, the GBI, sex offender registry, child abuse registry, doctors, human resources, references from friends and family and then.... wait. Just wait.
Ugh, waiting. Not my strong point. John is so laid back and patient. I don't know how I got so lucky as to marry someone who is my exact opposite. Believe me, that is a good thing. If we both worried and let our type A personalities out as much as I do, this house would be full of anxious preparation and intense conversations. He is indeed the yang to my yin, the sweet to my salty, and the calm to my storm. I wouldn't say I am overly uptight, but I like things to be more predictable than this adoption process.
Ok, onward and conclusion-ward. We have basically nothing coming up. Perfect time for a special arrival AMIRIGHT?! I leave you with something that I posted on our adoption Facebook page that got about 50 likes (thanks guys! it was totally spur of the moment and straight from the depths of my aching, childless heart)
I wrote a long blog post about infertility and how people say the craziest things. About doctors and ultrasound techs and learning how to bite my tongue. I wrote about darkness and the light I see ahead.
But after sitting in a room full of newborn babies today, all I want to say is this:
Dear Future Baby, Your parents are ready for you now. We have your room ready, some pretty awesome name possibilities, and serious amount of love to give. We feel lost without you. We feel you are close and we know we are all meant to be together. We want to watch as you eat your first cookie, use your first crayon and help you dip your feet in the ocean for the first time. We want to kiss your boo boos, make up silly songs with you and teach you right from wrong. Don't stay away too long, as we have adventures to go on.
Hopelessly hopeful.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Musings of a Future Adoptive Mom
So, I have been trying to put myself in the position of a woman who is having to make the choice to parent, terminate her pregnancy or place her baby for adoption. Of course I have never been in that position, but when I was a college student, I had people close to me who did have to make those difficult decisions. I believe that a woman should be able to choose whatever is best for her and her baby at that given time in her life. I have come to the conclusion, as someone who has yet to have a viable pregnancy, that I cannot and will never be able to fully understand the emotions that go along with such a decision. All I can do is make our family available in the case that a woman wants to place her baby and finds our type of family suitable.
What makes a family suitable?
I guess first of all, we have to pass a bunch of health and criminal screenings every year for our home study, so there is that, but can that really be it? I don't think so, only being healthy and having a lack of a criminal past does not a suitable parent make! (Though we have squeaky clean pasts and that certainly is good!) There are other factors as to what will make us the family for our future baby. There is so much that brings people together. Think about how you met your best friend or your significant other. What sort of predestined things occurred to create that scenario where you first met or saw each other from a distance? When you first talked to him or her, what made you feel connected? I think the woman who will be our baby's birth mom could very well be brought to us in the same serendipitous way. I often wonder these things: Will she be drawn to us based on our geographic location? Our love of music? A look in our eyes in the profile? A tiny detail we mentioned in the profile or in this blog? Will she see something in us that just calls out that we are the right people to raise her child? What about us will she find suitable?
I have had so many adoptive parents tell us that when it is the right person, she knows and you know. Just like when you meet the other most important people in your life. I can't say that I have heard that all of the situations turn out like that. Some are last minute, so you do not have that time to get to know her beforehand. Sometimes she wants more privacy, but she still has to decide that we will parent her baby. Something about us has to pop out at her. It's like you want to include every detail about yourself just in case she loves UGA or Frank Turner or curling or even cats. Does she want her child's parents to take him or her on vacations around the world? Does she have dreams of her child playing musical instruments or joining sports in school? Do our dreams for our children align? I personally just dream of giving our child the opportunity to do any and all of it if they choose to.
I guess we wont know until it happens. For July, we have very little going on after this weekend. We went to two housewarming parties this weekend. We are partied out and over-filled with tasty food. John has some time before the next curling bonspiel and the beginning of the upcoming curling league. I have taken up yoga and am looking into possible kickboxing classes. I have to decide this week if I want to take a class for my master's program in the Fall. I feel like I have nothing to lose, but the cost of books, if baby comes and I can't hack both, since my job pays tuition. I do hate to waste any resources they may be putting towards it though. I have a tendency to try and juggle a lot at once to make the wait feel less excruciatingly long.
Well, here we sit, waiting for our baby as always. Hoping for the right phone call, email, or text (YES! We can be contacted via text now! 408-414-7245) . Google voice had absolutely no Georgia numbers, so we had to be assigned a California area code. Odd. Anyway the texts go straight to my cell phone and also our email sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com, so I can get them immediately.
Check out the cover photo with our contact info that I made for our Facebook page!
I leave you with a series of photos I found of John and I over the years. I was looking over old pictures and thought, how lovely it is to be with someone for so long and still get excited to see his face day after day.
What makes a family suitable?
I guess first of all, we have to pass a bunch of health and criminal screenings every year for our home study, so there is that, but can that really be it? I don't think so, only being healthy and having a lack of a criminal past does not a suitable parent make! (Though we have squeaky clean pasts and that certainly is good!) There are other factors as to what will make us the family for our future baby. There is so much that brings people together. Think about how you met your best friend or your significant other. What sort of predestined things occurred to create that scenario where you first met or saw each other from a distance? When you first talked to him or her, what made you feel connected? I think the woman who will be our baby's birth mom could very well be brought to us in the same serendipitous way. I often wonder these things: Will she be drawn to us based on our geographic location? Our love of music? A look in our eyes in the profile? A tiny detail we mentioned in the profile or in this blog? Will she see something in us that just calls out that we are the right people to raise her child? What about us will she find suitable?
I have had so many adoptive parents tell us that when it is the right person, she knows and you know. Just like when you meet the other most important people in your life. I can't say that I have heard that all of the situations turn out like that. Some are last minute, so you do not have that time to get to know her beforehand. Sometimes she wants more privacy, but she still has to decide that we will parent her baby. Something about us has to pop out at her. It's like you want to include every detail about yourself just in case she loves UGA or Frank Turner or curling or even cats. Does she want her child's parents to take him or her on vacations around the world? Does she have dreams of her child playing musical instruments or joining sports in school? Do our dreams for our children align? I personally just dream of giving our child the opportunity to do any and all of it if they choose to.
I guess we wont know until it happens. For July, we have very little going on after this weekend. We went to two housewarming parties this weekend. We are partied out and over-filled with tasty food. John has some time before the next curling bonspiel and the beginning of the upcoming curling league. I have taken up yoga and am looking into possible kickboxing classes. I have to decide this week if I want to take a class for my master's program in the Fall. I feel like I have nothing to lose, but the cost of books, if baby comes and I can't hack both, since my job pays tuition. I do hate to waste any resources they may be putting towards it though. I have a tendency to try and juggle a lot at once to make the wait feel less excruciatingly long.
Well, here we sit, waiting for our baby as always. Hoping for the right phone call, email, or text (YES! We can be contacted via text now! 408-414-7245) . Google voice had absolutely no Georgia numbers, so we had to be assigned a California area code. Odd. Anyway the texts go straight to my cell phone and also our email sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com, so I can get them immediately.
Check out the cover photo with our contact info that I made for our Facebook page!
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| That is actually the inside of our crib! So ready! |
I leave you with a series of photos I found of John and I over the years. I was looking over old pictures and thought, how lovely it is to be with someone for so long and still get excited to see his face day after day.
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| Our one year dating anniversary 2002! |
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| Graduating from UGA- 2003 |
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| At our wedding reception - 2007 |
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| Playing rock band with my brother Noah -2009 |
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| 2014! |
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