As of May 23rd, we have officially been waiting live with the Independent Adoption Center for eight months. It feels both good and bad. Good, because we are another month closer to having our baby and bad, because we waited yet another month. Our profile of what we are open to as far as race and health is so broad, it is easy to convince ourselves that we wont be waiting long. The reality of it is that no one actually knows. I sure could use a crystal ball right now. Life would be feel much easier if we just had some idea of when it would happen. I think I speak for all people waiting to adopt on that one.
I wanted to talk a little about the things people say that are not meant to be harmful, but can be. Everyone asks me if I am sure if I want a baby when their kids are acting up around me. Let's just get one thing straight, YES. YES. YES. If I wasn't sure and if John wasn't sure, we would never be putting ourselves through this. I know when people say that, they think of it as a light-hearted little joke, but after going through so much, my sense of humor fails me on this one. Yes, we want the tantrums, the poop, the puking and the financial costs. We want it all, because that is not all that being a parent is about. It is also about the love and kisses and playing as hard as you can. It is about the companionship and teaching a human being to be a human being. It is also about how much children teach you about life. So, yes, we are unquestionably SURE.
Another thing that is being said to me again and again is "you will get pregnant as soon as you adopt a baby". I have gone over this on the blog before, but it needs rehashing. I cannot carry a baby. I cannot get pregnant and stay pregnant. People who know me are aware of this, yet keep telling me that life finds a way. Lif finds a way? No, just stop it. We are adopting and that is the end of it. If by some freak incident "life did find a way" or try to, the fetus would not survive. My medications make sure of that. It is hurtful for people to keep insisting I will be pregnant someday. On top of that, we always spoke of adopting from month two of our relationship. This is our path. I am not trying to be ugly about it, but it needed to be said.
Lastly, something that really has gotten under my skin is when people ask if I am sure if I want an open adoption. A million times yes, I and WE want an open adoption. We chose the Independent Adoption Center, because they specialize in open adoption. We are fully committed with keeping a relationship with the birth mother of our child and any members of her family that she would like to have contact. The relationship is yet to be determined. Could be as close as extended family with visits and holidays together or it could be that the birth mom only wants pictures and letters. We know this is the right way to do it, we have read the literature, taken the courses and feel it in our hearts. People keep telling me I wont be the only mom if we do open adoption. No, I guess I wont really be the only mother, because a woman who places her child for adoption is still a mother. I will be mom, mommy, mama though. Please read about open adoption before making assumptions Click for open adoption FAQ
On a positive note, the NKF Atlanta Kidney Walk is this Saturday. Our team The Walking Beans will be walking for the 6th year. Our team is small this year, but it should still be really fun. John and I are going to the Candler Park Food and Music Festival that day also to see my favorite musician, Frank Turner. Trying not to nerd out too much about it.
To wrap up my only partially positive blog post, we are still waiting, we are still hopeful. It is hard to stay positive at all times, but most days are met with optimism and excitement that it will be the day that we get a contact or even meet our baby. Going into month nine of this open adoption wait, we keep our eyes, ears and hearts open.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Happy Not Quite a Mother('s) Day!
And that folks, was in my fortune cookie the other night. I like it...like, a lot. We can pretend I didn't rip it in the retrieval process. Basically, ever since John's little health crisis, everything has been going really well. We have had a lot of positive things happening, which we have been really lacking lately. Perhaps the tides are turning in our favor.
Saturday we went to our adoption agency's annual picnic. We got to see so many families who have had successful adoptions, even some who were formerly in our support group. It really is very motivating to see so many families built through our agency. The picnic was at a nice little park in Norcross, GA right on the Chattahoochee River. We got to catch up a bit with some other waiting families that we know through support group. We also met a goose with a serious attitude problem. I have experience with angry geese, so that was my cue to back off (the goose terror of 1999 haunts me to this day!).
A picture I took of a not so calm Chattahoochee:
After the picnic, we went to a house warming party for a couple of Atlanta Curling Club friends. Saw one of my coffee baristas there, but thought it might be a little awkward to talk about my Rev Coffee obession at that moment. I was that weird person who initially thought that maybe I should just hang out with the dogs (sudden social phobia that passed quickly). Totally wasn't necessary. Everyone was really friendly and welcoming and the food was delicious! We headed out a little early, because we were exhausted from our full day. Sorry, no pictures of that party. I try to take more pictures of stuff now that I have this blog, but I didn't think so many strangers would appreciate showing up randomly on the internet.
Sunday, I took my mom to Pure Taqueria for tamales. Mother's day doesn't seem to be important to her, but really I have the best mom, so celebrating her just had to happen. We checked out the new outlet stores in Woodstock. Gave up, because we ate ourselves into true discomfort and didn't feel like walking around. John met his mom at the Cheesecake Factory over in Dunwoody, so we did separate things this year. We couldn't quite get the schedules to work out right. I had a couple people wish me happy Mother's day, which came as a bit of a shock! Still waiting, still not a mom! As one friend put it : "Adopting is like being pregnant without knowing your due date, so that qualifies you as a mom to be". Thank you Katie, for being so thoughtful. It wasn't necessarily a hard day for me, because there are so many other moms in my life to celebrate. Ask me again next year if we are still waiting...
I have started a new exercise routine that I developed myself (it's called "Seriously, get off of your ass!") or at least that is what goes through my head when I just want to lay around and eat frozen yogurt. So far, I have only missed one out of the 5 days I have been back at it. I do it mostly to keep my head in the right place. Exercising does amazing things for my happiness quotient. Starting the day off active can change the entire tone of a day, it really is quite amazing. There is a park about 1.2 miles from our house that has a track, so I gave it the ole foot to gravel try on Sunday and felt like a million bucks (a sore million bucks) afterward. I can see this track and I becoming very close friends this summer.
The track:
If you follow us on http://instagram.com/johnandsarahadopt , you probably have already seen the pictures posted in this blog entry, because I am doing the #100happydays challenge. The challenge is to find something to be happy about every single day for 100 straight days. Honestly, some days I have a hard time finding one thing and other days I have a hard time narrowing it down to just one. I think it has been really beneficial to do this project, because even when I am feeling negative, my brain is searching for that happy moment to take a picture of and post. Whoever came up with this idea is kind of a genius. At first I thought it was a little cheesy, but I totally see the vision for it now. Follow us and I will try to post things other than cats, coffee, and Frank Turner records (my three happiest topics!).
The NKF Kidney Walk is May 31st and I am something like $55 from my personal goal. Sign up to join us in our laps around Turner Field or donate here. We have raised a lot less this year than usual, but my heart and brain has really been more with the adoption and renewing our home study, so my efforts have been minimal. Sorry, NKF, maybe next year! Of course that night we are seeing Frank Turner for free at the Candler Park Food and Music festival. I shall refrain from my usual Frank Turner is the best musician ever rave (um... he is).
Look what John got me:
We have two trips in June for John's curling club. One in Knoxville and one in Wilmington (you can find me at the ice rink in Knoxville, but at the beach in Wilmington!). So so so looking forward to some beach time. We are taking emergency baby supplies on both trips just in case. You never know!
Longest blog post ever! Wrapping up... We have support group tomorrow night on how to spot adoption scammers. A serious shame that any adoptive couple has to worry about that at all. This week I will continue to say we are ever hopeful for someone to find it fitting to place their baby with us. We are dedicated to having an open adoption and keeping those lines of communication flowing. We are ready to go at the drop of a dime. Please share our adoption efforts with everyone you know. There really just is no way of knowing how an expectant mother, who is thinking about adoption, could find us. Feel free to share this blog, our facebook page , our official adoption profile , or any other link along the side of this blog.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Finding the Words... John's Heart and Mine.
I find it next to impossible to find the right words for this blog entry. I considered not writing it all, but in the spirit of telling our entire adoption story, I feel the need to include it. I have always said that John and I have been through so much together, that we can handle anything that comes our way in the future. Last Monday, April 28, 2014, we were put to the test yet again. Here is a little story of what happened, how we are getting through it and why we are yet again, stronger than ever.
I want to start with Sunday, April 27th. John had been at an all day curling bonspiel at the ice rink and I had spent the day resting at home, having done the Run4YourLife 5k and babysitting a 2 year old the day before. When he got home, we found ourselves in a more serious talk about the adoption and toll it takes psychologically, emotionally, financially etc. We agreed that the stress of it has weighed us down quite a bit, that we are changed people, not who we were when we started this and not who we were when we started trying to get pregnant a while back. I sat wondering if we were changed for the better or worse. The fact that we feel thicker skinned, more equipped to handle the hard stuff rang through my head. The fact that we have learned to be skeptical of everyone, thanks to a plethora of adoption scammers out there, also tainted my thoughts about this "change" in who we are. After this talk, it was late and we went to bed. I felt relieved that my rather stoic husband had expressed how he felt to me. Ultimately, right before I drifted off to sleep, I decided that this change in who we are was a positive thing. It was us growing and learning through life experience.
The next morning was normal. John was taking a stay-at-home vacation from work and I headed into my job downtown. It was finals week at the university where I work, so parking was scarce and I had to park pretty far away. Around 10:30 in the morning John called me at work saying he didn't feel well. He said he didn't want to alarm me, but he thinks he may have had a heart attack. I went through the usual rundown of questions (have you had indigestion, were you thinking about stressful things, did you pull a muscle?). After all, John is 35- a vegetarian, non-drinker, non-smoker, with perfect blood results at all of his physicals. After less than a minute I realized if John is worried, I should be worried too. I told him to hang up and call 911.
I immediately grabbed my stuff and told my job I had to leave. Something was wrong with John! In a rush of adrenaline, I ran to the car, pretty sure I made a 10 minute walk in 5 minutes. Eventually, he sent me a text saying where the ambulance was taking him (a text that made assured me he was alert and okay for the moment). I contacted my brother Noah, who agreed to meet me there. I called John's mom and sister, my parents, and probably broke a few speeding laws getting to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, he was basically alert, but very pale. I stopped in my tracks and it sunk in...MY John could be in real trouble. They took him to the cardiac catheter lab and found that a blood clot had gone to a small artery in his heart. They removed the clot in the lab and after a very long wait, I saw them rolling him down the hall. His face had color, he was more alert and talking to me. A simple tiny clot had traveled through his body to a tiny artery in his heart and caused a minor heart attack! A little relief swept over me, as I realized that a blood clot could happen to anyone and most of the danger had passed. Amazingly, 2 nights in the hospital and he was sent home.
John is home recovering now and doing really well. The doctor wants him off of work until May 13th. There is a less than 4% chance of this ever happening again, which is probably less risk than many of us have. I spoke with our adoption counselor at our agency and of course she was more worried about John than our home study renewal. I really can't say enough good things about the staff at the Independent Adoption Center in Atlanta. A letter from his doctor saying that this will not prevent him from parenting is needed, which the doctor assured us would not be a problem.
We are still clear to adopt, staying the course with our ever persevering spirit. John will be strong as ever in a week or so. Our relationship is renewed and more solid than ever and our drive to have our family completed though open adoption is in focus.
Life is a crazy thing. You think you are set on a path, but something nearly always happens to derail you. We were lucky to only be derailed for a couple of weeks. We have been thrown off of our intended paths time and time again, but we roll with it. I think if anything, we are better prepared to be adoptive parents, because we have been through the ringer in the last 13 years of knowing each other. We are tough as nails and know how to fight for ourselves and will fight for our future child no matter what the cause.
Hold your loved ones tight and don't forget to remind them of how much you love them. Here we sit, as always, hopelessly hopeful for our intended birth mom and future child to find us. For her to see that despite our life changing events, we are healthy and strong, caring and playful, lovers and fighters in life.
I leave you with the song I walked down the aisle to at our wedding. R.E.M. At My Most Beautiful.
I want to start with Sunday, April 27th. John had been at an all day curling bonspiel at the ice rink and I had spent the day resting at home, having done the Run4YourLife 5k and babysitting a 2 year old the day before. When he got home, we found ourselves in a more serious talk about the adoption and toll it takes psychologically, emotionally, financially etc. We agreed that the stress of it has weighed us down quite a bit, that we are changed people, not who we were when we started this and not who we were when we started trying to get pregnant a while back. I sat wondering if we were changed for the better or worse. The fact that we feel thicker skinned, more equipped to handle the hard stuff rang through my head. The fact that we have learned to be skeptical of everyone, thanks to a plethora of adoption scammers out there, also tainted my thoughts about this "change" in who we are. After this talk, it was late and we went to bed. I felt relieved that my rather stoic husband had expressed how he felt to me. Ultimately, right before I drifted off to sleep, I decided that this change in who we are was a positive thing. It was us growing and learning through life experience.
The next morning was normal. John was taking a stay-at-home vacation from work and I headed into my job downtown. It was finals week at the university where I work, so parking was scarce and I had to park pretty far away. Around 10:30 in the morning John called me at work saying he didn't feel well. He said he didn't want to alarm me, but he thinks he may have had a heart attack. I went through the usual rundown of questions (have you had indigestion, were you thinking about stressful things, did you pull a muscle?). After all, John is 35- a vegetarian, non-drinker, non-smoker, with perfect blood results at all of his physicals. After less than a minute I realized if John is worried, I should be worried too. I told him to hang up and call 911.
I immediately grabbed my stuff and told my job I had to leave. Something was wrong with John! In a rush of adrenaline, I ran to the car, pretty sure I made a 10 minute walk in 5 minutes. Eventually, he sent me a text saying where the ambulance was taking him (a text that made assured me he was alert and okay for the moment). I contacted my brother Noah, who agreed to meet me there. I called John's mom and sister, my parents, and probably broke a few speeding laws getting to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, he was basically alert, but very pale. I stopped in my tracks and it sunk in...MY John could be in real trouble. They took him to the cardiac catheter lab and found that a blood clot had gone to a small artery in his heart. They removed the clot in the lab and after a very long wait, I saw them rolling him down the hall. His face had color, he was more alert and talking to me. A simple tiny clot had traveled through his body to a tiny artery in his heart and caused a minor heart attack! A little relief swept over me, as I realized that a blood clot could happen to anyone and most of the danger had passed. Amazingly, 2 nights in the hospital and he was sent home.
John is home recovering now and doing really well. The doctor wants him off of work until May 13th. There is a less than 4% chance of this ever happening again, which is probably less risk than many of us have. I spoke with our adoption counselor at our agency and of course she was more worried about John than our home study renewal. I really can't say enough good things about the staff at the Independent Adoption Center in Atlanta. A letter from his doctor saying that this will not prevent him from parenting is needed, which the doctor assured us would not be a problem.
We are still clear to adopt, staying the course with our ever persevering spirit. John will be strong as ever in a week or so. Our relationship is renewed and more solid than ever and our drive to have our family completed though open adoption is in focus.
Life is a crazy thing. You think you are set on a path, but something nearly always happens to derail you. We were lucky to only be derailed for a couple of weeks. We have been thrown off of our intended paths time and time again, but we roll with it. I think if anything, we are better prepared to be adoptive parents, because we have been through the ringer in the last 13 years of knowing each other. We are tough as nails and know how to fight for ourselves and will fight for our future child no matter what the cause.
Hold your loved ones tight and don't forget to remind them of how much you love them. Here we sit, as always, hopelessly hopeful for our intended birth mom and future child to find us. For her to see that despite our life changing events, we are healthy and strong, caring and playful, lovers and fighters in life.
I leave you with the song I walked down the aisle to at our wedding. R.E.M. At My Most Beautiful.
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