As of May 23rd, we have officially been waiting live with the Independent Adoption Center for eight months. It feels both good and bad. Good, because we are another month closer to having our baby and bad, because we waited yet another month. Our profile of what we are open to as far as race and health is so broad, it is easy to convince ourselves that we wont be waiting long. The reality of it is that no one actually knows. I sure could use a crystal ball right now. Life would be feel much easier if we just had some idea of when it would happen. I think I speak for all people waiting to adopt on that one.
I wanted to talk a little about the things people say that are not meant to be harmful, but can be. Everyone asks me if I am sure if I want a baby when their kids are acting up around me. Let's just get one thing straight, YES. YES. YES. If I wasn't sure and if John wasn't sure, we would never be putting ourselves through this. I know when people say that, they think of it as a light-hearted little joke, but after going through so much, my sense of humor fails me on this one. Yes, we want the tantrums, the poop, the puking and the financial costs. We want it all, because that is not all that being a parent is about. It is also about the love and kisses and playing as hard as you can. It is about the companionship and teaching a human being to be a human being. It is also about how much children teach you about life. So, yes, we are unquestionably SURE.
Another thing that is being said to me again and again is "you will get pregnant as soon as you adopt a baby". I have gone over this on the blog before, but it needs rehashing. I cannot carry a baby. I cannot get pregnant and stay pregnant. People who know me are aware of this, yet keep telling me that life finds a way. Lif finds a way? No, just stop it. We are adopting and that is the end of it. If by some freak incident "life did find a way" or try to, the fetus would not survive. My medications make sure of that. It is hurtful for people to keep insisting I will be pregnant someday. On top of that, we always spoke of adopting from month two of our relationship. This is our path. I am not trying to be ugly about it, but it needed to be said.
Lastly, something that really has gotten under my skin is when people ask if I am sure if I want an open adoption. A million times yes, I and WE want an open adoption. We chose the Independent Adoption Center, because they specialize in open adoption. We are fully committed with keeping a relationship with the birth mother of our child and any members of her family that she would like to have contact. The relationship is yet to be determined. Could be as close as extended family with visits and holidays together or it could be that the birth mom only wants pictures and letters. We know this is the right way to do it, we have read the literature, taken the courses and feel it in our hearts. People keep telling me I wont be the only mom if we do open adoption. No, I guess I wont really be the only mother, because a woman who places her child for adoption is still a mother. I will be mom, mommy, mama though. Please read about open adoption before making assumptions Click for open adoption FAQ
On a positive note, the NKF Atlanta Kidney Walk is this Saturday. Our team The Walking Beans will be walking for the 6th year. Our team is small this year, but it should still be really fun. John and I are going to the Candler Park Food and Music Festival that day also to see my favorite musician, Frank Turner. Trying not to nerd out too much about it.
To wrap up my only partially positive blog post, we are still waiting, we are still hopeful. It is hard to stay positive at all times, but most days are met with optimism and excitement that it will be the day that we get a contact or even meet our baby. Going into month nine of this open adoption wait, we keep our eyes, ears and hearts open.
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