I want to start with Sunday, April 27th. John had been at an all day curling bonspiel at the ice rink and I had spent the day resting at home, having done the Run4YourLife 5k and babysitting a 2 year old the day before. When he got home, we found ourselves in a more serious talk about the adoption and toll it takes psychologically, emotionally, financially etc. We agreed that the stress of it has weighed us down quite a bit, that we are changed people, not who we were when we started this and not who we were when we started trying to get pregnant a while back. I sat wondering if we were changed for the better or worse. The fact that we feel thicker skinned, more equipped to handle the hard stuff rang through my head. The fact that we have learned to be skeptical of everyone, thanks to a plethora of adoption scammers out there, also tainted my thoughts about this "change" in who we are. After this talk, it was late and we went to bed. I felt relieved that my rather stoic husband had expressed how he felt to me. Ultimately, right before I drifted off to sleep, I decided that this change in who we are was a positive thing. It was us growing and learning through life experience.
The next morning was normal. John was taking a stay-at-home vacation from work and I headed into my job downtown. It was finals week at the university where I work, so parking was scarce and I had to park pretty far away. Around 10:30 in the morning John called me at work saying he didn't feel well. He said he didn't want to alarm me, but he thinks he may have had a heart attack. I went through the usual rundown of questions (have you had indigestion, were you thinking about stressful things, did you pull a muscle?). After all, John is 35- a vegetarian, non-drinker, non-smoker, with perfect blood results at all of his physicals. After less than a minute I realized if John is worried, I should be worried too. I told him to hang up and call 911.
I immediately grabbed my stuff and told my job I had to leave. Something was wrong with John! In a rush of adrenaline, I ran to the car, pretty sure I made a 10 minute walk in 5 minutes. Eventually, he sent me a text saying where the ambulance was taking him (a text that made assured me he was alert and okay for the moment). I contacted my brother Noah, who agreed to meet me there. I called John's mom and sister, my parents, and probably broke a few speeding laws getting to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, he was basically alert, but very pale. I stopped in my tracks and it sunk in...MY John could be in real trouble. They took him to the cardiac catheter lab and found that a blood clot had gone to a small artery in his heart. They removed the clot in the lab and after a very long wait, I saw them rolling him down the hall. His face had color, he was more alert and talking to me. A simple tiny clot had traveled through his body to a tiny artery in his heart and caused a minor heart attack! A little relief swept over me, as I realized that a blood clot could happen to anyone and most of the danger had passed. Amazingly, 2 nights in the hospital and he was sent home.
John is home recovering now and doing really well. The doctor wants him off of work until May 13th. There is a less than 4% chance of this ever happening again, which is probably less risk than many of us have. I spoke with our adoption counselor at our agency and of course she was more worried about John than our home study renewal. I really can't say enough good things about the staff at the Independent Adoption Center in Atlanta. A letter from his doctor saying that this will not prevent him from parenting is needed, which the doctor assured us would not be a problem.
We are still clear to adopt, staying the course with our ever persevering spirit. John will be strong as ever in a week or so. Our relationship is renewed and more solid than ever and our drive to have our family completed though open adoption is in focus.
Life is a crazy thing. You think you are set on a path, but something nearly always happens to derail you. We were lucky to only be derailed for a couple of weeks. We have been thrown off of our intended paths time and time again, but we roll with it. I think if anything, we are better prepared to be adoptive parents, because we have been through the ringer in the last 13 years of knowing each other. We are tough as nails and know how to fight for ourselves and will fight for our future child no matter what the cause.
Hold your loved ones tight and don't forget to remind them of how much you love them. Here we sit, as always, hopelessly hopeful for our intended birth mom and future child to find us. For her to see that despite our life changing events, we are healthy and strong, caring and playful, lovers and fighters in life.
I leave you with the song I walked down the aisle to at our wedding. R.E.M. At My Most Beautiful.
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