It just takes one...

Hi again everyone, John here, giving Sarah a break this week. She does such a great job writing and expressing our thoughts about the adoption process and our lives, and there's been so much going on lately that I wanted to share, so here goes.

Last weekend the Atlanta Curling Club hosted its first open bonspiel, which I happened to be the chair of! I've been working on this since January, organizing the event, getting the teams together, and working with the other members of the club to make sure everything was ready in time. I had so much to do I didn't even get to play! It was a long weekend, but everyone had a great time and Sarah and I even won a raffle basket for the first time ever!

Curling action:


After the bonspiel last weekend, I've been on vacation from work all week (a staycation, really). Time for some spring cleaning and organization in the Farrar house! I broke out the lawnmower for the first time this year and cut the grass, pulled up some old shrubs, and worked on some landscaping around the yard. It's great to have a week to be able to stay at home every once in a while and recharge, I can't help but think how much fun it will be after we adopt and there's a baby in the house. I haven't even gotten to everything I want to do this week, but I should have more time at home in the future, which leads me to the other big news:

After six years of working at the same store, I'm getting transferred to be closer to home! My commute will go from 30 minutes/1 hour to six minutes! I'm looking forward to starting at a new place, and especially excited about being able to spend more time at home with Sarah!

We are now at 18 months live with our adoption agency. The last few months waiting have been tough knowing that we are about to be waiting longer than the "average" couple in our situation waits. We haven't had any contacts lately, which sometimes makes us feel like we're all alone in this. But it just takes one, one click, one person to share our blog or facebook page, one person to leave one of our cards, one birthmother to find us and make the choice to choose us as adoptive parents. Thanks to everyone for your support, it means so much to us!

John

Get Better

Readers, please forgive me for posting more Frank Turner. It has to be done. It's helping me find my way out of this "18 months of waiting to adopt" hole.

Adoption is hard. Life can be really hard. But, we can get better, because we aren't dead yet. 

Listen, Watch, Read. Courtesy warning- Not completely safe for work.

Yes, I'm having a moment.

But For Now, We Toast

 Let's start out with the positive.

America Adopts published my guest post yesterday! With further ado, here it is!

Click Here!

Also, my Frank Turner birthday extravaganza was more than I could have ever asked for. I was right up front, singing until I was hoarse, getting slammed about like I was 22 again. After the show he came outside to hang out with us fans. What a super nice human being! Perhaps if he wasn't so nice, I could begin to ease up on my Frank Turner fandom...probably not.

He had the crowd sing happy birthday to me and got me a drink. We toasted and hugged and all was right with the world. I fan-girled a little on the inside, but i believe I played it quite cool on the outside!

Now on to the nitty gritty. Last night's sorta, kinda trauma.

Adoption, you are breaking my heart. IAC, you are breaking my heart as well.

I came home to a letter I have been dreading from our adoption agency. A letter I had only heard rumors of. It stated that we have been waiting "a somewhat longer time than the usual".

What I read: You guys are failing. You are not pretty, thin, or interesting. You are not cultured enough or well traveled enough to be appealing. You have not proven yourself worthy. Obviously, this is not true, but that's what I read.

I'm home alone and beating myself up. Is it me? Is it John? Is there some truth to the "other people's theories " that I wrote a previous post on? What happened to my being ok with hitting the "average wait time"? It is all B.S.? Possibly.

I know that the letter did not intend to make us feel inadequate, but this process has torn my self confidence down so much that I can read it again and again and only feel insulted and angry... or is it sad? I don't even know anymore.

This is not me! I am secure in myself and in John. I know we are none of those things. I know we are going to make awesome parents.

Should I only show the happy unicorns and butterflies aspects of our lives? Will that get us chosen? Will that put an end to this limbo? What is the magic spell to not be the people who wait for years and years, or even worse- never adopt? 

I.JUST.CAN'T.

Why isn't us just being who we are enough? Our unicorns and butterflies live peacefully amongst snakes and hornets. Life is a balance of good and bad and even boring.

It's just a letter. A piece of paper I knew was coming any time now. Soon to be followed by the request to begin renewing our home study, because that's cheery. Adoption is not for the weak and I am feeling quite weak.

Dear IAC, a simple "at 18 months we offer these additional services" would have sufficed. We certainly are aware of how long we are waiting. It is quite the sensitive topic.

Are we still hopeful? Always. But there are moments that don't feel so hopeful.

Today I am on a quest to get us back to that hopeful place in our hearts and our heads. 

Wrapping up with a song by Ben Marwood. Just because.

And Glen Hansard. Just because.

One Foot After The Other: Rainbamapocalypse Tuesday

First up, gotta get it out of the way...

I'm seeing Frank Turner tomorrow!! What?! Yes, I am seeing the man himself on my birthday in less than 35 hours. Try not to wee yourself in excitement. I've reached a new level of fandom. The 5+ hour drive to see someone play level of fandom. I've done the 3+ hour drive before and I believe John has done a 7+ to see a band play. Priorities.

Those dimples!

Tonight John and I are celebrating my birthday a day early, since I am going out of town without him tomorrow. I put my name in to see a band, Beans on Toast, at a house show. Looks like I got in with a +1, and it is in fact my month to say yes to everything, so looks like we are going to hit that up tonight! Assuming President Obama being in town doesn't make it impossible to get over there of course. Every time we have a president visit, the traffic is out of control! Plus rain, oh man, Atlanta traffic in the rain is ridiculous. Could end up being the Rainbamatrafficopalypse.

Edited to add POTUS motorcade. Work field trip to see it in action!

 In adoption news, America Adopts invited me to do another guest blog post for them. Look out for that coming up soon (soonish? I have no time frame to share). I really love their site! It has a wealth of information and now we have our own profile listed there as well! Linky dinky doo! They have quite a large presence on the internet as far as the adoption world goes. We feel like having our profile on their site could just be that little extra something we need to be found by someone looking to place her baby.

America Adopts profile snippet!

I was just talking to a friend we made through support group about the letter that everyone that uses our agency writes. It is a letter to prospective birth parents. You have to try to summarize who you are and what your life is about in approximately 900 words. As you can all tell from my lengthy blog posts, this is not an easy task for someone like me. I've been thinking about what I would really want to say, versus the kind of sugarcoated, glossy, picture of our lives. Of course this blog does a pretty good job of that, but I rewrite our letter in my head often.

In all honesty, what our letter should read is this:

Hello, we can't promise to be perfect parents, but we can promise to love heck out this kid and to protect him or her with all that we are as people. We love cats and music. We like delicious food and vacations. We are committed to having an open adoption.

Like, in a nutshell, that's us. Way less than 900 words. Sure we could go on about how much we love our families and how much Atlanta has to offer, but the thick of it is that we are gonna love that kid so darn much! We already do. I know that sounds weird, since we have yet to meet said kiddo, but we do.

So, I'm leaving age 34 behind in less than 24 hours. The year I thought I would finally become a mom. The year that I now know was for overcoming and forgiving the crazy things that happen in life.

Onward and upward.