Monday, September 21, 2015

What We Need: A Guide

On Wednesday, September 23rd we will have been waiting two years "live" with our adoption agency The Independent Adoption Center.

Since apparently it is hard for most people to understand and relate, let me tell you what we need as far as support.

If you no longer know how to support us, just ask. 

What do we need? We need you to help us network. If it can come up organically in a conversation, tell your friends, coworkers, doctors, and plumbers about us. Tell your mail person, your hairdresser, your yoga teacher, that neighbor you only see on trash days.

If you don't know what to say to us anymore, here are some lines you can use.

"We are so excited for you to become parents through adoption."
"We love and support you."
"I don't understand what you are doing. Can you please explain?"
"Wow, waiting can really suck sometimes."
"Do you need a hug?" (yes, please)


The stuff you should probably avoid

"Wow, you have waited so long!"
"Why do you think you guys have been waiting so long?"
"What is wrong that you haven't adopted yet?"

Things you should be aware of:

Your face going blank and eyes glazing over when I say the word "adoption".
Yawning and squirming when I say anything about adoption.
Abruptly ending conversations when I say anything about adoption.

If you don't want to hear about it anymore, you should probably not hang out with me. This is my life. This is my brain on adoption.

I realize that only people who are going through it or have been through it can truly relate. I really do.

It will always be new, shiny, and exciting to us. Each day is different. Contacts, no contacts, close calls, dead silence. We learn new perspectives from birthparents who already placed babies, people who have already adopted 1,2,3 times, other waiting families and even friends and strangers who are adoptees. It's an ever evolving process. You can never learn enough from the people directly involved in the adoption triad (birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents).

I want you to want to shop for baby stuff with me. I want you to buy the things you see and dream about buying for our baby. It wont jinx anything. I want you to bring the adoption up in casual conversation and dream about names, vacations, and holidays with me. Dream about our child's first day of kindergarten, first dance, high school graduation, our child's future children and so on.

We are okay. We are stronger than this struggle. This is an exciting time. Please celebrate with us.

At two years waiting, this is what we need: Your enthusiasm.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

New Profile = New Hope

I had this long, detailed post written up about us hitting the two year mark in our adoption wait, but I really just think it's all been said before.

The summary: Waiting sucks, but it will be worth it. 

The long version is more eloquently written of course. I may edit and post it in a few days. I'd rather have a positive train of thought today.

First thing first, we had our adoption profile redone by a designer! This is the paper profile (PDF available too) that goes out when a prospective birth mother calls into our agency and does intake (basically inquiring about adoption and waiting families). If she decides she wants to look at profiles, they will send her all of the portfolios of waiting families that match her search criteria (such as married, living in the southeast etc) and of course the family's openness of their profile effects whether they go to her as well.

We are in love with the new design!

The front cover...

Featuring our cats, which we think is hilarious. The colors were inspired by a poster I have at home and a pair of shoes I saw online. I'll let you use your imagination as far as whose poster inspired me (ahem, super fan alert). If you read this blog often, you already know. I just have no shame anymore.


 The inside pages...

I love how much movement it has. Our nephew is featured heavily in this. It's not like we don't know other kids, but we always forget to take pictures with them when we hang out!

Doesn't matter, because our nephew is cute as cute can be.
The back...

More cats. Shocked? No, I'm not either. I guess if someone doesn't like cats, we are not likely to be contacted by her anyway. 

We really feel that this profile is more "us". We didn't realize over two years ago that we could push to have more of what we think represents us. Our agency really tends to edit families down until they all look alike. They say to show what makes you unique, but then all of that uniqueness gets taken away in the approval process.

Can you imagine receiving 250 profiles that more or less look the same and having to choose a family out of the stack to parent your child? Sounds next to impossible to me.

In other news, we celebrated John's birthday yesterday. There was cake and burritos, some TV, some feelings of extreme love and random exclamation of how happy I am that he was ever born and put in my life. Seriously, overwhelming feelings of love. I would like to thank John's parents for his existence. He's such an awesome husband and I have no doubt that he will be even a better dad.

I'm in full swing with grad school. I 99.9% finished my second project of the semester last night. It's a great distraction from "the wait". I had many moments of wondering why I'm putting myself through more school as I was neck deep in this project, but just like adoption, in the end it will be worth it.

Our 8th wedding anniversary is October 6th! So much has happened in those 8 years. I met John when I was 21 and he was 22. I feel like we have literally become adults together. Not that at 21/22 year old people aren't adults, but it's like we grew up into more adult adults- adultier adults- in the past 14 years. We did it together.

I've also started a new list of goals. I used to have this 100 things to do in 1000 days list, but some things like travel abroad probably wouldn't happen in that time frame due to adoption. Totally fine. I made a new list with no time restriction. It is everything from finish my M.Ed. to paint the dining room to remember to wear my glasses. I'm putting five out here today, so I will hold myself accountable:

1. Blog at least once a week
2. No, seriously, remember to wear my glasses!
3. Send more snail mail
4. Take infant CPR
5. Adopt (obvs)

Ok, there it is for now. Until next time!

Monday, September 7, 2015

Vacation Recap: Philadelphia!


 I am finally writing up our Philadelphia trip! I know, a couple of months late, but at least I'm doing it. After our trip to DC, we drove to Philadelphia to see our friends Katie, Anthony, and Xander. Katie was my college roommate and we have stayed close through the years. She moved to PA a couple of years ago, so we decided it was finally time to go up there and see her new Georgia-less life.

We got there in the afternoon and were greeted by the welcoming committee:

The Hounds
The first night we stayed in, tired from our extreme day of walking in DC the day before. Katie has always been a great cook, cooking for me in college and even after. She made us a nice vegetarian dish, keeping John in mind, of curried red lentils (never going back to boring old green lentils!) and poached eggs. I was nervous about this combination, but I have to say, it was delicious. Katie can make nearly anything delicious.

The next day we went into Philadelphia. Our friends live in Ridley Park, which is just a few minutes ride outside of Philly. Xander is four, so we needed to do some kid friendly things and let's face it, adults like doing the kid things too usually! We went down to the Delaware River front and tried out some hammocks....

These may have been the highlight of the day. I know that sounds weird, but the weather was perfect and our feet were a little tired from DC. The wind made the hammocks sway just the right amount. I could have slept there all afternoon!

I actually bought a hammock for John for "almost a father's day" on Father's Day this year. We haven't set it up yet, but now that Georgia is cooling off a little at night, we might have to do that.

While we were lazing around on the hammocks, Katie and Xander wondered around and....
Found some giant connect four!

Anthony had gone back to his car to get his glasses, because we were about to go explore a submarine. Prescription sunglasses will not quite cut it in the belly of a submarine.

Xander seemed to have a great time with the giant games, but was a little nervous about the steep staircases and dark parts of the submarine. He is a brave kid and toughed it out though.





This is on top of the USS Becuna, the submarine we explored. I could be wrong, but I think the ship you see in front is a restaurant.

We ate at Reading Terminal Station later in the day, but that's a story for later.

I can't even say how perfect the weather was enough times in this. Totally beautiful and breezy. Just across the Delaware River, you could see Camden, New Jersey. I considered shuttling across to add another state to my list of states visited, but we had a lot of Philadelphia to get to!



 This is a porthole window looking out of the USS Olympia, a Naval ship. Through that window is.... Camden, NJ. Be excited, I know you are!

Actually, that might have been a hole for the one of the giant guns or cannons or whatever they had on the ship. Can you tell I was paying more attention to the other stuff? Weapons are not my thing. I really liked looking at the pharmacy and surgery rooms, as well as the captains quarters and where the lower ranking officers slept. 


John, Xander and I stopped for some photos on the deck of the USS Olympia. We have a ton, but a blog post can only be so long.

Xander was such a good sport the whole time. For being barely four he was very patient and good-natured during it all.

As a side note, Xander does something called the Xander show. It's a bit of a variety show, with singing, dancing, jumping, and general kid wackiness. I admit, I miss the Xander show.


After the ship, we made our way to Elfreth's Alley which is the oldest continually inhabited street in the US.

It was a little awkward, because as the description says- people live there! We tried to be quiet tourists, but there was an older lady going around looking in people's windows. I was embarrassed for her and didn't want anyone to think she was with us. We kept our distance.

It's a short street, definitely worth a look, but also over quickly. There is a museum, but it didn't appear to be open.

We decided to walk to Reading Terminal Market for lunch. Google maps had us thinking it would be a quick walk, but it was a serious long haul. Hey, at least we earned our....


 CHOCOLATE KIDNEYS! What? Yes, one of the chocolate shops in Reading Terminal Market has chocolate internal organs. Am I in heaven? I do love anything internal organs (transplant recipient here, ya know?!). Katie bought me a new set of kidneys. I can't ever say she never gave me a kidney now.

These are dark chocolate kidneys. I ate most of one on the way back to Georgia.

We also ate tacos, whoopie pies, and homemade marshmallows dipped in chocolate. Vacations are for eating right? After that we headed back to Ridley Park to relax.


Friday, our last full day in Philadelphia, we went to the Philadelphia Zoo. Katie and Anthony have season passes, so we got to slip in as guests. The hippo was my favorite part. The wolves smell horrendous.

I felt terrible for some of the animals though. Zoo Atlanta does a much better job with their animal habitats. The polar bear made me really sad. He just didn't look happy or comfortable.

There were tons of goats, which if you know me, you know I love a good goat visit. Unfortunately, the cool part of the goat enclosure was for kids. Why must they leave those of us out who are waiting to have kids? Special section "future adoptive parent goat exhibit". Yes, please.


After the zoo, went back into the city to walk around and get some dinner.

John and I really wanted to do the cheesy tourist thing and get our picture with the love sign. FYI, it looks all calm there, but there are really a ton a of people trying to get you to pay them to take your picture. Also, a bunch of kids skateboarding and some very talented kids dancing.

I'll admit that I was a little over the walking and sweating at this point. I was hungry and I get a little "Hulk smash" when I'm hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry! (Teehee... get it?)

A lady told me I had Reba McEntire hair. Not sure that's a good thing!


We ended up at a little hole in the wall pizza place, with a basement bathroom from the depths of my nightmares. The pizza was fantastic though! It looked so unimpressive, but no, it was delish! We then

On the way back to the car to head back to Ridley Park, we came across this piece of art. It is actually an actual plane that was taken apart and put together as if it had crashed. The part John is standing in front of is a sort of greenhouse. The sign said they grow food in there for those in need. I didn't see any food growing, but there were plenty of plants.

If you look behind the plane, you can see they have another statue of a giant paintbrush (it also had a hilariously shaped dab of paint under it).

After stopping off at to see some local architecture, we headed back to Katie and Anthony's house to rest up for our 11 hour ( that turned into like 14 hours) trip home. Next time we will definitely fly! I think we needed another 3 or 5 days to see the rest of Philadelphia. We will be back someday soon. 

You can read about the Washington D.C. part of our trip here: DC TRIP!

John has a bonspiel in Charlotte coming up in early October. I have plenty of homework from my grad class and some other distractions in the works. Hopefully our next vacation will include us as a family of three. Here's hoping, right?