What We Need: A Guide

On Wednesday, September 23rd we will have been waiting two years "live" with our adoption agency The Independent Adoption Center.

Since apparently it is hard for most people to understand and relate, let me tell you what we need as far as support.

If you no longer know how to support us, just ask. 

What do we need? We need you to help us network. If it can come up organically in a conversation, tell your friends, coworkers, doctors, and plumbers about us. Tell your mail person, your hairdresser, your yoga teacher, that neighbor you only see on trash days.

If you don't know what to say to us anymore, here are some lines you can use.

"We are so excited for you to become parents through adoption."
"We love and support you."
"I don't understand what you are doing. Can you please explain?"
"Wow, waiting can really suck sometimes."
"Do you need a hug?" (yes, please)

The stuff you should probably avoid

"Wow, you have waited so long!"
"Why do you think you guys have been waiting so long?"
"What is wrong that you haven't adopted yet?"

Things you should be aware of:

Your face going blank and eyes glazing over when I say the word "adoption".
Yawning and squirming when I say anything about adoption.
Abruptly ending conversations when I say anything about adoption.

If you don't want to hear about it anymore, you should probably not hang out with me. This is my life. This is my brain on adoption.

I realize that only people who are going through it or have been through it can truly relate. I really do.

It will always be new, shiny, and exciting to us. Each day is different. Contacts, no contacts, close calls, dead silence. We learn new perspectives from birthparents who already placed babies, people who have already adopted 1,2,3 times, other waiting families and even friends and strangers who are adoptees. It's an ever evolving process. You can never learn enough from the people directly involved in the adoption triad (birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents).

I want you to want to shop for baby stuff with me. I want you to buy the things you see and dream about buying for our baby. It wont jinx anything. I want you to bring the adoption up in casual conversation and dream about names, vacations, and holidays with me. Dream about our child's first day of kindergarten, first dance, high school graduation, our child's future children and so on.

We are okay. We are stronger than this struggle. This is an exciting time. Please celebrate with us.

At two years waiting, this is what we need: Your enthusiasm.