This is part two of a guest post written by Marisa, a friend through our adoption agency and mom through open adoption. Enjoy! (Part one is located here! )
What our Open Adoption looks like
One Year In
We cannot believe our luck in having
the most wonderful birthmother in our lives. After our long dinner I texted her
a couple photos of her holding and feeding the baby. A few days later she said
“But one thing that I have noticed is I have been able to sleep a lot better
since I know that she’s with you guys and it that’s a big relief . that
now I can start taking care of myself Thank you .”
After that, I started sending a
picture a day. It wasn’t agreed on, or even asked for, but it just seems right.
I’m not a prolific picture taker, so having this as a self-imposed obligation
had been wonderful for documenting Elise every day. I just snap a pic, text it
over, and usually get an “awww,” or “soo cute” in response. Every once in a
while I get validation that this is the right path for us, for example these
texts:
“I love her Sooo much I just wanna
keep on seeing how much you guys love her as well ….makes me feel at peace
knowing that you guys adore her and give her all that love and attention she
deserves”
“…but I have noticed I have been
able to sleep a lil at night ……pics have helped a lot I must say ……” “I love when I get them at random
and I’m having a stressful day cause I take a min to just feel good and deal
with my day a bit better. Thank you Sooo much for that”
I honesty can say that there haven’t
been any hiccups, though there were “attitude adjustments” that I needed to
make along the way. I don’t think I was prepared for how vested B. was in
Elise’s well-being. So when she winced when I told her the baby had lost weight
(which is totally normal!!!) I felt a little defensive.
The first couple of weeks
I was getting baby advice from her, and I just had to take a step back and
remember that a) she actually does have more experience than I do, b) it was
coming from a place of love, and c) pretty much everyone has advice for us and
it’s up to us on when to nod and do our own thing or actually take it to heart.
Once the first couple weeks passed I really didn’t hear any more commentary on
parenting from B. anyway. I think I was looking like a newby at first and she
was really just trying to give me the advice that she would give anyone.
Totally not a big deal.
We've been back to Las Vegas twice,
in fact we just got back last week from our most recent visit. Each time we go, B. makes
time for us and meets us where ever we need to be. This time we went to an
indoor play place so B. could see Elise in action as well as experience the
full gamut of her sweet, tenacious, strong, and silly personality. We also had
a couple of meals in our hotel suite, and B. brought cupcakes to celebrate
Elise's birthday. Each visit we get a little bit more comfortable and we're
really hoping she'll make her way out to us soon.
So, it’s still early on in our open
adoption, but things are going so well. I truly think that having Elise know
her story, know her birthmom, know she is loved beyond measure by so many
people, can only benefit her. We are so happy.
My sincerest wish is that Sarah and
John get this experience, and soon! They are amazing people and I know they
have the same love I have for open adoption. They have so much to offer both
a new baby, and to that child’s birthfamily. I’ve been spreading the word for
them, and I hope others do, too!
No comments:
Post a Comment