Blog Hiatus, But Never Giving Up

I've been toying with the idea of a hiatus.

No, not giving up on adoption. Just letting myself slack on the blog, the facebook page, etc..

It's so important that John and I enjoy who we are as a childless couple before we finally become parents. I've been in a probably unhealthy place of thinking we can't be truly happy until we adopt. It's skewed thinking, because we have been happy the entire time we've been together. We have always been able to fill our lives with fun and joy as childless people. Those days are limited now, as we could be parents any time now. The phone could ring today for all we know.

So here is my plan. The blog, which I love, is an aspect of the adoption wait that has at times caused a great deal of stress. I am going to take a few weeks (maybe more) off of writing for this blog and see how it feels. I have other writing assignments for other sites I need to focus on and a big project due for graduate school.

You can find me uploading pictures of food, cats, crazy skies and way too much coffee on our Instagram account: https://instagram.com/johnandsarahadopt/ (I use this more often than other adoption accounts we have) and the occasional share on our Facebook page: John and Sarah Adopt Facebook Page .

I would love to write on this blog every day if I could get my head in the right place to only write about baby room progress, exciting vacations, and well, all things living life- and maybe this break is what I need to find that inspiration.

Last time I took a few weeks off, I lost quite a few readers and it took a while to get the numbers back. I'm hoping you guys bear with us. There needs to be some heart healing and inspiration before we get the blog up and rolling full speed.

I can't wait to come back with news of holiday fun and some things I have planned for the baby's room!

WE ARE STILL WAITING TO ADOPT! There will be no hiatus on that. Never giving up!

If you are reading and want to contact us, we are available through:

email: sarahandjohnadopt@gmail.com
text: 408-414-7245
call us toll free: 866-707-5959

Or use the contact form on the right side of this blog.

We are ever hopeful that our dream of becoming parents through open adoption will come true soon.

Signing off for now.

What's The Frequency Sarah?

Love from Philadelphia!

 Whew, ok, I am back. A week or so of guest posts, a week of vacation, and a week of crazy, busy days at work made it really hard to update the blog!

We don't quite have a vacation post ready yet, but it's coming. I'll add a few sneak peak photos in this post. For now let's talk about adjustment. In the adoption wait, there are many things you have to adjust to. One is being in the spotlight. Now, I am not adverse to getting attention, but this is a different kind of attention. It is putting it all out there for strangers type of attention. Okay, I may never adjust fully to that sort of change, but I can cope with it.

Another big change to adjust to, and the main one I want to address is being left behind. When all of your adoption friends start adopting and moving on from support group or dinners out, you can start feeling a left out, left behind, self conscious of why it isn't you. This is what has happened to us over the last few months. All of the families we started with or met early on in the process have adopted or are at least matched! Great for them right? Agreed. For us? Eh...here come the insecurities... why, when, how, what the heck?

It's been hard on the self esteem honestly. I know logically that there is nothing wrong with us. I know logically that we aren't doing anything wrong. It sure is too bad that logic doesn't come through in this process more! Logic my friend, please stick around! Emotion rules this adoption roost. Emotion tells me to begin to isolate ourselves from newer waiting adoptive families. Emotion tells me it will hurt way too bad if they adopt before us, after not waiting long. Emotion tells me to hide away from all that has the slightest potential to be hurtful.

John and I are trying to adjust to being left behind. I had a week of self doubt and panic, but now I'm feeling like I should treat it as a good sign. You may ask "How is being left behind a good sign?". Well, perhaps, since all of these families had been waiting approximately the same amount of time as us, we will soon join them. Maybe we are in a sweet spot in the wait. Perhaps it's good mojo! Good adoption mojo is exactly what we need!

In other news, America Adopts published another post that I wrote! I just love the people over at America Adopts. So friendly, so informative. Here is a link to the post I wrote about living in the present, rather than the future: Enjoy! 

In other, other news, I keep hearing how pretty much everyone is adopting through word of mouth, personal networking, sharing, sharing, and sharing. Can I ask that people keep spreading that word for us? You just never know if someone you know might be pregnant and wanting to find a family just like us to parent her child. We are open to just about any situation, but our big thing is we want an open adoption. This can mean very open, like getting together and hanging out or phone calls or just emails and texts or whatever, really, we are that open. Super duper open.

Sharing is caring!

Another update is that I think we have to rethink the video concept as only one person has sent us their contribution. I think it may be a harder assignment than we anticipated. I tried recording myself even and it was hard! Fumbling, losing my ability to locate words in my brain! I so get it. We are thinking of getting together with the people who offered to help and doing it interview style. Maybe cutting down on how many contributions there are, because frankly, I need another couple terms in grad school to get this video editing up above snail speed. Oh yeah, I start grad school again on August 24th! Wish me luck! We will be in touch with those who offered to help with the video about the new plan. 

Thanks to all of you who read the blog and support us in other ways. It's been a tough road lately, but I have been assured that it will all fall into place one day. I feel like the second we hold baby boo, so much of this stress and hurt will start to fade.

Until next time.

Guest Post: Our Open Adoption - One Year In - Part 2

This is part two of a guest post written by Marisa, a friend through our adoption agency and mom through open adoption. Enjoy!  (Part one is located here! )

What our Open Adoption looks like One Year In

We cannot believe our luck in having the most wonderful birthmother in our lives. After our long dinner I texted her a couple photos of her holding and feeding the baby. A few days later she said “But one thing that I have noticed is I have been able to sleep a lot better since I know that she’s with you guys and it that’s a big relief .  that now I can start taking care of myself Thank you .”

After that, I started sending a picture a day. It wasn’t agreed on, or even asked for, but it just seems right. I’m not a prolific picture taker, so having this as a self-imposed obligation had been wonderful for documenting Elise every day. I just snap a pic, text it over, and usually get an “awww,” or “soo cute” in response. Every once in a while I get validation that this is the right path for us, for example these texts:

“I love her Sooo much I just wanna keep on seeing how much you guys love her as well ….makes me feel at peace knowing that you guys adore her and give her all that love and attention she deserves”

“…but I have noticed I have been able to sleep a lil at night ……pics have helped a lot  I must say ……”  “I love when I get them at random and I’m having a stressful day cause I take a min to just feel good and deal with my day a bit better. Thank you Sooo much for that”

I honesty can say that there haven’t been any hiccups, though there were “attitude adjustments” that I needed to make along the way. I don’t think I was prepared for how vested B. was in Elise’s well-being. So when she winced when I told her the baby had lost weight (which is totally normal!!!) I felt a little defensive. 

The first couple of weeks I was getting baby advice from her, and I just had to take a step back and remember that a) she actually does have more experience than I do, b) it was coming from a place of love, and c) pretty much everyone has advice for us and it’s up to us on when to nod and do our own thing or actually take it to heart. Once the first couple weeks passed I really didn’t hear any more commentary on parenting from B. anyway. I think I was looking like a newby at first and she was really just trying to give me the advice that she would give anyone. Totally not a big deal. 

 

We've been back to Las Vegas twice, in fact we just got back last week from our most recent visit. Each time we go, B. makes time for us and meets us where ever we need to be. This time we went to an indoor play place so B. could see Elise in action as well as experience the full gamut of her sweet, tenacious, strong, and silly personality. We also had a couple of meals in our hotel suite, and B. brought cupcakes to celebrate Elise's birthday. Each visit we get a little bit more comfortable and we're really hoping she'll make her way out to us soon. 

So, it’s still early on in our open adoption, but things are going so well. I truly think that having Elise know her story, know her birthmom, know she is loved beyond measure by so many people, can only benefit her. We are so happy.

My sincerest wish is that Sarah and John get this experience, and soon! They are amazing people and I know they have the same love I have for open adoption. They have so much to offer both a new baby, and to that child’s birthfamily. I’ve been spreading the word for them, and I hope others do, too!

Guest Post: Our Open Adoption - One Year In - Part 1

 

 This is a guest post from Marisa, a friend through our agency and mom through open adoption. Please take the time to read both parts of her contribution. Her story is so motivating for waiting adoptive parents and the relationship they have with her daughter's birth mom is simply beautiful. (Part two is up! clicky!)

 I'm so honored that Sarah & John are letting me tell their readers a bit about the open adoption I have with our daughter's birthmom, B. Sarah & John have opened their hearts so much to the world in order to provide a glimpse into their very interesting lives via this blog and their other social media accounts. By being so forthcoming they have already proven that they will be a great match for someone looking to place their child for adoption.  They truly seem to have the right heart for open adoption!

The Beginning
 

We waited a long time, almost 4 years, before we became parents to the most beautiful and perfect baby girl. We had a lot of ups and downs, and close-calls and heartbreaks. Adoption is not for the faint of heart! And then, poof, overnight, our lives changed in the most unimaginable amazing way ever. It was a Monday night, just about 13 months ago that I got the initial message: Baby Girl, born Sunday, super healthy... would you like to be considered? I woke my husband, and he seemed honestly a little confused, so I took him not saying no as a YES! and agreed to our profile being shown to B., the baby's mother.

The next day, Tuesday, I got a call from the facilitator we had hired and was asked if we were ok with the openness that B. had requested. B. was asking for a phone call every 3-4 months. That's it. No visits, no other contact, just a phone call every once in a while. I remember my answer so clearly: "I don't think that's enough!"  We had been wanting an open adoption and hoping to have a really good relationship with our child’s birth parents, so the minimal amount if contact wanted seemed really, really minor. A few hours later, we got the news - we had been chosen to be the parents of a very special little girl, whom we named Elise!

Meeting Elise’s Birthmom

When you are adopting from out of state, which we were (we live in California, and Elise was born in Nevada), you have to wait in the baby's birth state while both states look over paperwork and give their consent to you leaving with the baby. Soon after we got the word that Elise's birthmom had signed all of her paperwork terminating her rights (in Nevada, once signed, it's irrevocable), I heard that she wanted to have dinner with us. We coordinated it through her agency, and decided on Friday, which was two days after we became Elise’s parents.

I was for sure very, very nervous. She chose a steakhouse at an off-strip casino/hotel because she knew it had a quiet area that could give us some privacy.  When we walked in she was waiting for us already and we just hugged and hugged. I was surprised to see that she was about as short as I was, and very, very pretty. I can’t quite remember when I handed her the baby, I think it was right away, and she held her for the entire dinner. Seeing B. holding Elise did not stir any feelings of jealousy or discomfort for me at all. It felt perfectly natural, and I know it put B. at ease that we were already trusting her enough to hold our baby...Which is silly to even think otherwise because she had just given birth to this baby 5 days earlier and entrusted us to raise her, and my God, why wouldn't I trust her, she had done everything right, and given everything and just, DESERVED the respect and trust that I was feeling for her. Sorry, I get a little worked up when I think that anyone could think otherwise.  

Our conversation flowed easily, and in all honesty she did most of the talking. Not in a bad way, though. She told us her family history, her reasons for choosing adoption, what she knew about Elise’s birthfather, the story of Elise’s birth. She was told by her adoption agency that the kind of open adoption she wanted was not feasible, and so she reduced her “must haves” to a phone call every three months. She seemed so sad by this, and it blows my mind that her agency (not our regular CA agency) didn’t have clients that would be open to a more open adoption. She was pretty sure once she said goodbye in the hospital she would never see the baby again. She loves this baby. I mean LOVES her. She is not a dangerous person, she is not a threat of any sort. She is a hard-working, responsible, over-burdened, single mother who is trying to do right by both her children (her older daughter & Elise). 

It seems preposterous to me that it’s a bad idea to have her involved in our lives. We talked for about an hour, then ordered dinner, then talked for about 3 more hours. I think the restaurant wanted us to finish up, but we ignored their attempts. Although there were tears shed by all of us, the only really difficult topic was when we told her we had changed Elise’s name. At that moment I was ready to add four more names just to honor this amazing woman (but in the end we kept her name as my husband & I decided).

A few days later, my husband had gone home and I thought maybe B. wouldn’t mind having dinner with us again and then maybe popping into a Picture People at the mall. I wasn’t sure how open she’d be to it, but I shouldn’t have worried, she was all in. We ended up not making it for dinner (she was running late and then I lost my car keys. For over an hour I scoured the hotel room, and then finally found them stuck in the inner springs of the sofabed!) During that time I was sending panicked texts to B.  and she was talking me down and trying to get me to retrace my steps. I think it made me more real & human, but it was a bit on the embarrassing side. 

We ended up getting some beautiful pictures from the session. We have ones of all three of us, just the two of them, and just me & Elise.  I know that Elise will treasure these forever. It was a very special moment. If that wasn’t amazing enough, I found out the reason she was running late. At the end of the photo session B. presented me with a gorgeous silver memory box from Things Remembered. She had it engraved with Elise’s name, and “a mother’s love never ends” and B.’s initials.  Inside the box was one knit baby bootie. B. had bought the booties when she found out she was pregnant, and decided to keep one and give one to Elise. So now on her monthly birthday, I take a photo of her with the bootie :)  I’m so humbled by this woman’s sacrifice and love.

Stay tuned for part 2, which I will be sharing tomorrow!

From Sarah's Mom - Guest Post

This is a guest post by Sarah's mom Barbara.

  

Sarah's mom can't wait to become Grandma to grandchild number two! She is awesome with our nephew Henry and he can't get enough of her.






Hi, this is Sarah's mom. I am just going to tell you what I know and feel about Sarah and John and hope it all comes together in the end!

To begin with, this is what I know about them.  John and Sarah are both hard working, friendly, intelligent people and they will be affectionate and supportive parents. They both love children, but the interesting thing is that young children and babies seem to be able to sense this. They frequently smile or shyly wave at them when we are out shopping or dining.  I admit to a little envy there! I know that their child will be loved, cared for, and have many opportunities ahead of them. 

Sarah - newborn photo

I remember when Sarah was very young one of her teachers pointed out to me how Sarah would take one of her shyer friends and bring her into the play group.  She was very kind and when she became a teenager was the sought after babysitter in our neighborhood.  She and John are at the top of the list for watching their nephew Henry along with the children of their friends. Henry absolutely loves his Uncle John and Aunt Sarah!

John fits right in to our family and has since the first time we met him. We love him like he has been with us since day one. Seeing him with Henry, the way he loves him and rolls around on the floor playing with him, shows just what a great dad he is going to be.

 I was heartbroken when they found out they were unable 

 to conceive because I knew how much having a family meant to them. Our family was thrilled when they made the decision to adopt and we think it is great that they chose to go with open adoption, because it offers the birth mother the opportunity to stay in touch with the child if she so chooses. We can’t wait to welcome a new baby and his or her birth family with open arms! 

From A Future Aunt - Guest Post

John and Katie as children

This is a guest post from Katie, John's sister and my wonderful sister-in-law. Katie is going to be one awesome aunt!

I'm Katie. John’s little sister. He and I grew up in the town where I still live. I'm a kindergarten teacher and I also babysit. I love kids and I know John does too! Our next-door neighbor when we were in high school was the cutest 3 year-old little boy. He loved John and was sad when John went to “big school” aka college. He was always asking when John was coming back from “big school.”

John met Sarah in college. She's probably the best thing that ever happened to him! They are a great couple and I wish we lived closer, so that we could spend more time together. They have three awesome cats named Spike, Moe, and Waffles! John and I had lots of cats growing up. Their cats are like family (as is my cat, Houdini). :)

I've known that they've been wanting a family for a very long time. We've talked about it many times. I noticed a big change in them when their nephew was born to Sarah’s brother and his wife. The way they interact with him makes me smile! I love hearing stories about him and the fun that they have together. I love getting pictures of him and seeing him at Christmas and the Kidney Walk! It warms my heart to see him interact with John. They are big buddies. Sarah tells me hilarious stories about what fun things their nephew does. I know John and Sarah will make awesome parents!! Their strength through this process amazes me. I can't wait for them to complete their family!

I can't wait for  John and Sarah to be able to experience all of these things with their own child. Not to mention that I can't wait to be an Aunt! I will be very involved in their child's life. I can't wait to go shopping for all of the fun Aunt stuff! I've already found these great onesies on Pinterest.