The Beginning Of Something Good

I have been dealing with quite the dilemma.

You see, I truly believe that you get back what you put out into the world. It's a real issue, because I think I've mainly been sending out frustration and grief. I'm so frustrated with the adoption process and I know John and I have had to grieve for many situations that fell through or were revealed to be fake. It's so easy to let those feelings dominate your life.

Quite honestly though, isn't it easier to be happy and positive than to wallow in anger and self pity? Isn't it more fun to laugh than to cry? Isn't life too short to let stuff get you this down?

Now to figure out how to push the positive to the forefront.

First off, more distraction. More concerts, movies, museums please. More nights out with friends, more playing with our nephew. More food truck evenings and lazy strolls around the neighborhood.

This is hanging on our fridge to remind us:

I have people say all the time that I need to be more positive, or I need to put on a front of happiness for prospective birth mothers who might read this blog. To those people I want to tell them that they haven't experienced the things we have in this process. That the adoption wait can steal the light right out of you if you let it. Well, I let it. I let it steal my light, my optimism, my self confidence. Ridiculous.

Nothing and no one should be able to steal the light from within you. So here it is: I'm on a mission to get myself back. I'm sending love and light and confidence into this world of ours. I'm taking back control of this situation and no emotional scammer or failed placement will stop me. It's time to look at these things as learning opportunities, as steps to creating our family.

It's not that things wont be hard. It's not that we wont still feel some level of defeat if we speak with another emotional scammer or have another close call. It really is just a matter of re-framing it all in our heads. We are at 22 months waiting and counting. In the scheme of things, 22 months or even two years isn't all that long. People wait much much longer than that.

We also have to remember that we are not the only ones struggling with adoption. It is likely that the woman who chooses us to parent her child is facing much more than we are. It's important to remember that. It's all perspective. The best thing we can do is to stay strong for her, our future child and ourselves.

I'm going to find the light in all of this.

There is hope again.