Adoption Love Link Up: The Humanity Of It All

I joined an adoption blog link up via the blog Adoption Love . You can click on the icon in lower right to read the other blogs in the link up. Each month there is a topic you can write about, but you don't have to. This months topic is so perfect for what has been happening in our adoption quest lately. So, here it is, the question of the month and really, the question of my life right now. 

How, if at all, has adoption changed your view of humanity (for good or bad)?

This is such a complicated question. The answer is yes, but not a simple yes and not only for good or bad. Really both. Let's start with the good, because we should always appreciate the good in things first right? 

Let's talk about having our eyes opened to the women who make the ultimate decision to place their babies for adoption. The women who put themselves aside to make sure their babies have the best chances at life. Let's appreciate the fact that in the face of a nearly impossible decision, they can pull all of their strength together and choose adoption. That is foremost in my thoughts when I think of my current view of humanity. I am in awe of their strength and determination. I am in awe of the fact that they choose to trust another family in raising their babies. My heart gets so full at the thought that one day someone will find that trust in us as well.

The good also includes the support people in adoption. I am focusing on the support people of the adoptive couple, since I really don't have experience with the expectant mom's support circle. To see friends and family step up and support us the way they have is simply humbling. I see the good in people every time someone shares our profile, this blog, or our Facebook page. I see the positive in humanity when they grieve with you over losses and near misses. When someone is willing to trudge through a Babie R Us/Toys R Us combo store to find one little thing to fulfill that hole in your heart for the day- that is love and support. When someone goes out with you on a Friday after work, even though they are tired- that is support. That is the good in people. 

The good includes the amazing staff at our adoption agency. No matter how much someone tells me that they are paid to be supportive and listen to me, I wont believe they don't genuinely care. You can hear it in their voices and see it in the time they take away from their days to talk to us. You can see it in their faces when we go to support group or the holiday party or picnic that they honestly are happy to see us. They keep my faith in this process going. Without them the days would be so much more difficult.

Unfortunately, yes, I have to say that this process has also brought a dimmer viewpoint on a part of humanity I didn't even know existed. Oh, to be naive again... Sigh. Apparently, there are people out there that will contact you just for fun or out of malicious intent. Just knowing that there are people who want to kick you while you are down, (down on infertility, down on the waiting process etc) really just gets to a very very sad place in my brain. To think that any human would intentionally want to mess with people who are coming from such a place of honesty and yearning, it really just blows my mind. There is a place in my heart that has become quite distrustful of new people and new contacts. I don't ever want to be, but it becomes a sort of self defense that happens automatically. Unfortunately, the more you put yourself out there, the more these sorts of people find you. You really just have to learn to have a thick skin and keep believing that your baby's first mom is going to find you in this web of internet and agencies. 

The other negative view of humanity I have incorporated into my life is of the people who judge before they understand. Initial bad reactions to us having a Facebook adoption page, a blog, an Instagram, Twitter etc. No, I really don't want to do those things to complete our family, but I also don't want to keep feeling this emptiness that is childless life. To some that is not empty at all, but to me it is. Empty, lacking, unfulfilled. It's not an urge my brain has, it is an urge that my soul has. If I could stop it, I would. If I could go on living my life childless, I probably would, because who in their right mind puts themselves through all of the judgement and stress of adoption? Well, when you want nothing more than to have a child and your body can't do that for you, you do what you have to. So, to the people who have dampened my view of how supportive you should be or how simply understanding you should be: let's sit down and talk this out. I want to understand your point of view and I want you to understand mine. It is only fair that we understand each other before the judgements start. Set up a coffee date with me or come for a walk. Write me an email or comment on my blog. Let's see where each other is coming from in a constructive way. 

So, in summation, I cannot say that this adoption process has swayed my view of humanity in one way or the other completely. I think just like every other journey in life, you see the positives and negatives along the way. It hurts like hell to see the sides of humanity that are just out to be harmful, but in the end, they aren't who matter. Your baby matters. OUR baby matters. Our baby's birth mom matters, our friends and family matter. You focus on what matters and keep on going. Even in the thick of it all, I love adoption. I love it because my family will be created through adoption.