The Bouncy Ball Theory

 I’ve been giving a lot of thought to human interaction lately. The simple contact we make with other people, either in passing or long term. How I met most of my friends through school or jobs, or in adoption support group. How much impact they have on my life. But also, how much impact a few seconds with another human can change your life.

I know people who make me constantly strive to be the best version of myself. I've met people in passing who have blown my mind and changed the way I feel about or how I do something.

When I was a kid- maybe beginning around age 11- I had this idea about how people and their interactions are like letting a ton on bouncy balls (you know, the ones from the grocery store coin machines) loose with great force in a giant room- except the room is earth or universe sized and the balls are billions of souls. The balls are like people bouncing off one another, sometimes lightly, sometimes hard enough to send a ball across the room, bouncing into another ball. Sometimes that same ball bounces again and again and again indefinitely off of many other balls. Sometimes the bouncy balls hit each other and come to rest together in their own little place. 

I’m wondering when we will "bounce" into our future baby’s first mom. Wondering if it is as random as it all seems or are our bouncy balls on some sort of predetermined path. It looks like chaos, like it’s all up to chance. I think as humans we always look for a reason for things that happen, especially the less favorable things like dead silence in an adoption wait, while others around you adopt. In a process that seems to have no rhyme or reason, I search. 

I’m so guilty of just saying “everything that happens is meant to be”. It’s something I’ve had to believe to make sense of a life with challenge after challenge. Maybe everything does happen for a reason or maybe it’s all random. Perhaps it really is all arbitrary events that lead souls together. 

At this very moment, events, decisions, actions are taking place that will lead a woman to us - who will choose us to raise her child. Events, decisions and actions that took and are taking place alongside each event, decision, and action that John and I have made and are still making. We are all spinning through this life, in a collision course with each other. 

What completely seemingly random or absolutely meant to be life events will lead us to our baby? How absolutely fascinating a thought!