1. Trying to get pregnant (and failing) every single month is the single most emotionally and psychologically draining thing we have ever been through. My heart sank each month that it didn't happen and it sank even further when I had to tell John the bad news. Wondering what is wrong with me, if it will ever happen and if I was disappointing John began to take control of my life. It is a section of my past I don't often like to look back on.
2. Fertility tests are miserable and painful. Maybe just for me, because my left fallopian tube was humongous and blocked, but really, I have had plenty of medical procedures, including a bone marrow biopsy and I still rank the HSG the worst pain of my life. I have even broken a rib and cracked my sternum. HSG = worst.pain.ever. There was shaking, almost throwing up and cussing like a sailor (sorry Doc).
3. Deciding to stop trying to conceive and move forward with adoption was the most wonderful AND difficult decision of our lives thus far. There was relief, but there was also grief. We grieved over the fact that we were giving up 1.5 years of struggle. We celebrated the fact that we had a path to go down, that would someday end in our baby coming to be with us.
4. Adoption was actually our first plan of action. We had always planned on adopting, but my doctor threw us a curve ball that set us on this side story of conception. I can't say that I don't often kick myself for not just moving forward with plan A - adoption. I knew that my surgeries had likely taken their toll on my reproductive organs, yet we still got a little pregnancy-bewitched at the thought of me carrying a baby. It was more the urge to be pregnant rather than the result of a biological child. In the end, having our child be biologically related is not important to us.
5. Telling our friends and family that we were going to adopt was so much harder than I thought it would be. My parents were and are completely and utterly psyched. My brother and his family are also excited and completely supportive. I was really nervous to tell John's mom, because I didn't know how she would react. She, of course, is happy and supportive and can't wait to have her first grandchild. Phew! Friends reacted in different ways. They didn't understand the process, they didn't know our entire history of trying to conceive and they had so many questions. That is all pretty much resolved and we are left with amazing, supportive people. I am an open book at this point, so if you don't understand something, just ask.
6. People judge. Oh my god, people really know how to criticize. I know that people can be ignorant, but man, this has really brought out the opinions in people. Luckily, I don't care what these people think. It is a lack of education on the subject.
7. Waiting is hard! Feeling idle is not my cup of tea. I have to be doing something to feel like we are moving forward at all times. Whether I tweet out our profile (SarahSaysAce by the way) or add a picture to Instagram (Our Instagram), I have to keep it going. Why? Because I have no control over anything else. There is a serious lack of control in this process.
8. You can't really pay a lot of attention to "average wait times" there are too many variables to make it completely accurate. We are "paper" or "electronically" pregnant. We don't know if we will wait a short time like the opossum whose gestation period is like 12 days (yeah, yeah, we have blown through that time frame, I am just making a point) or wait as long as an elephant whose gestation lasts approximately 2 years! Some hopeful adoptive parents wait even longer than that. Some wait a week....seriously, that happens too. It is really unhealthy to compare your wait to other people's wait times.
9. The strangest things uplift you, but unfortunately, the strangest things also get you down. Found that blanky that reminds you of the one you had growing up? Yes, buy it, wash it in special sensitive skin detergent, fold it over the side of that perfect crib you found and relish in your find. Shopping with friends or family and they want to go look at the baby section, you get excited, because they are excited about your potential little one. But wait, suddenly you realize they aren't thinking of you or your baby. It isn't real to them yet. Remember that it wont ever be as real to them as it is to you. Yes, feelings are hurt, but would you look ridiculous letting that be known? Maybe they are too scared of how you will react if they seem too eager and excited? Let's hope. Deep breathing exercises at Target...
10. Finally, you aren't actually alone in this, it just feels that way. Even if your family and friends don't know how to breach the subject, they are still there, internally and sometimes externally rooting for you. The adoption network is also bigger than you can ever imagine. From the people you can meet through your agency, to the general online community, it spreads far and wide. Sometimes I want to talk to someone, but knowing that people in my immediate circle wouldn't fully understand, the words fail to come out. In those moments, I know we have our fellow waiting families or friends who have had successful adoptions to turn to and it stops feeling lonely.
This turned out to be so much longer than I had intended. A little summary of this week, since I took up so much room with my list. It snowed! Woot! We had to miss the show at the Fox Tuesday night, because we were iced in. We were lucky that we didn't attempt to go because we had friends stuck for hours in their cars on the interstates. I really hope they are all home getting some good rest now! We played hard in the snow like children. We spent a lot of time talking about how fun it will be when our kid sees his/her first snow. The snow will melt this afternoon, as it is supposed to be sunny and above freezing. Back to the real world tomorrow.
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| The house looks so pretty in the snow. |
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| Meow |
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