I have to get something off of my chest. I am only two semesters into grad school and have already decided that I will take at least the summer off. I am also considering withdrawing from one of my two courses this semester. I have to decide by March 6 in order to just get a W and not a WF. The class in question (photography in instruction) is stressing me out so badly. I literally feel sick about it every time I think about what all I have to do in a short time. The problem is, if I intend on finishing the program, I will still have to take it eventually. I have really overloaded myself this time. So here is my real confession...
I hate this program! I spoke to the faculty before I ever applied and they assured me that the courses were intended not only for K-12 educators (which I am not) but also for people looking to get into professional development and community education, both career options that I have considered. Well, the courses are so focused on K-12 that I find a lot of the assignments make no sense for anything I want to do. There is a lot of applying professional standards for K-12, a lot of lesson plans with no direction on how to make a lesson plan, which of course many of my classmates do DAILY for their jobs. I feel as if the program needed more students, so they decided to expand it to professional development, community education etc... In actuality, you really need to have a background in teaching to really get the most out of the coursework.
It isn't that I am not doing well, I have really good grades. I just don't care about the subject matter and I don't see the benefit of it long term. Now, that being said, I am going to give summer off a try and if I decide to go back fall, I will. I am also going to keep an eye open for other programs that I could start maybe Fall 2015ish. There are studies that show that if you have graduate degree, it is more likely that your children will too. I just want to set a good example. I also realized that more than anything, I try and try to prove to myself and others that people with kidney transplants can succeed and even excel. I have always been really hard on myself to try and not appear to be the weak person. I always feel like I have to be a role model for other people who need transplants. The best way I can show my strength at this point is to make this difficult decision.
How does this tie into adoption you ask (adoption blog .. yada yada yada...) Well, adoption is stressful!!! No joke, I don't care if your skin is a mile thick and you heart is made of steel, it is hard. Emotionally, psychologically, financially etc. So I think right now I need to focus on the adoption. I need to focus on getting us noticed and preparing to bring a baby home. I need to focus on John and I having a strong relationship. I have let my exercise routine slip and I started that whole thing to be healthy and live SOOO LONG for our child. In my heart I know that this is the right thing to do.
Today, my mom and I went shopping for some more baby supplies that we can pack in a "get away" bag. Just in case we don't have a lot of notice. Hey, you never know! My real homework is to be the best prepared I can be for this adoption!
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